Its 12:00AM. Do you know where your brain is?

I don't. I think it fell out somewhere around 10:11. Thats when I thought- I mean, seriously, half-decided-and-sent-commands-to-my-muscle thought about laying down on the long table in the kitchen here at [AwesomeCo] before I came to my senses.

I can just see a co-worker busting in on me. "But I can explain!" I'd blurt out in a guilty, don't-hate-me kind of tone.
"Oh you can?" They'd reply.
"Yes...I...it was a flat surface, and well. I was...a tired man.."

Well, that went well, hypothetical me. Shame on us.

Later, I decided I wanted some toast. Then, the next thing I know, I had made a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich- everything in between is kind of a blur. I think I looked in a cabinet and got all excited because they had chunky peanut butter.

So yeah- I already knew that I talked in my sleep something awful, but apparently, sometimes when I'm reeeaally tired? I make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Actually, I think its kind of cool.
--- - - -

In other, profoundly more important news, its been 1 month now since Kiaya and I were "official". I am still quite desperately in love (even more so, actually) and while I know one month probably doesn't sound that significant or impressive to anyone, I am very happy.
Very happy indeed.
-- - ---

Okay, back to here at [AwesomeCo]. Oh, and speaking of which- I love all my readers. Seriously, its really great to be read. I don't care where you come from or who you are- I like hearing from you. Even if you were, say, in management at the company I work for, doesn't mean you have to just sit around on the sidelines- feel free to comment! (Just, you know...hypothetically. [You know who you are. ] :D )

Rumors of my death would be greatly exaggerated if they existed

...but like, nobody even cared enough to make up lies about me. How am I supposed to use over quoted Mark Twain references correctly if no one even cares enough to at least try to tell some junior high schooler that I died in a freak snow blowing accident or something? I'm sure they'd take it from there...

Anyway- for all my absence, I don't have many details to give. But since you were such a nice person and read this far, heres a little smattering of vagueish life updates:

A few material things have happened- not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but both my cell phone and car died. Like the cold heartless man I am, I replaced them with younger, prettier things with out even giving them proper burials- a Saab 900SE and a LG Voyager, respectively. I enjoy them way to much- I can now continue endless poke wars anywhere with a cell signal from within a climate controlled cabin with articulated, heated leather seats. Its pretty much the life.

Materially, really thats about it- I've worked on getting space for ReMine, but the long and short of it is I haven't got it yet. What I have been doing is spending more time with people- and thats a good thing I think. The world will always be there for me to conquer it. People are different- opportunities come and go, many times never to come in the same way again. And I know some very special people right now. I would be a fool to miss out on those relationships and what could be built on them. And really, what more does life come down to then relationships?

....

I often mull over life questions like these to a soundtrack, and recently that sound track has been by a very interesting artist I just discovered- a hip hop whiz kid by the stage name of Lupe Fiasco. Some course slang, and one or two things he has the wrong idea about but other then that I highly recommend him. I picked up his album called "The Cool" and its depth blew me away. Though not strictly a concept album, the album's title hints at the threads that are woven through it- one of which is, "What is it to be cool? Who decides it, what does it lead to?" This is communicated through several stories- OH MY GOODNESS- EVERYBODY ITS OFFICIAL, I'M IN LOVE WITH KIAYA AND I'M POSITIVELY BURSTING WITH JOY!!!! Just got the word I could tell everybody so I did...more later, I couldn't wait though... right, now back to your regularly scheduled boredom- but first, HERE'S TO THE AWESOMEST OF DAMES, MY LOVE- KIAYA!*RAISES GLASS HIGH and dances out of room happily* one about an ambitious man (Superstar) who strives and strives for fame and glory, and what little he does find is hollow. Another song (Hip Hop saved my life) tells the story of a disadvantaged kid who uses his music career to lift his family out of poverty. That is one of meanings behind the title "The cool".

The other is a story he tells over 5 songs, and apparently is a continuation of a song on his previous album. It tells the tale of an undead rapper named The Cool who raises from his grave and roams the ghetto empty and hollow, his only possessions a letter from his 2nd grade sister and a gold chain necklace. The strange world is filled with other fantastical characters- a seductress named "The Streets" and a man called "The Game"- the oldest gangster ever, speaking every language on the planet who has dice for eyes, bullets for teeth and crack pipes for lungs. These characters are a canvas he uses to weave cautionary tales, like an epic shaksperian rap tragedy.

....

I've decided awhile ago that long term, I want to be doing business for myself. There are a lot of reasons for that: creativity, self-reliance, freedom. The way I figure it is like this- If I am not financially tied to any one company or boss, I have freedom to do what interests me and end something when I don't believe in it. If I build businesses that live on their own and generate money whether I am there or not, I am free to be with the people I love and free to go where I want. I love freedom- possibly to a fault. But thats a topic for another post- the point is, business is my plan to get it more of it. And it largely boils down to the ability to make those I love and myself comfortable. I still believe in that. But one thing I'm thinking about more and more is that if I get too into the game, if I get obsessed with the process of getting it, I could arrive at the other end with out as many people I love and whom love me. And that would be a hollow victory, because they are largely the reason one does this in the first place. This is a verse I've thought over for awhile, which is sung from the perspective of The Cool. The lady he speaks of is The Streets:

Her eyes glow green with the logo of our dreams
The purpose of our scene
The obscene obsession for the bling
She would be my queen
I could be her king
Together she would make me cool
And we would both rule, forever
And I would never feel pain
And never be without pleasure, ever, again

Of course, you can never buy away pain or all discomfort. You can use your money as a tool to mitigate it and defend against those in excess. But after a point, the only thing you can do is just be there for somebody- be a shoulder to cry on, be a warm embrace.

Honestly, I don't think I've ever been close to obsessing over the game to a point of concern. I'm fine with where I am right now- but I see me mulling over this as making a decision now to use for future reference.

So, people and relationships vs. freedom and financial good standing. I'm an optimist, so I'd like to think I can have both in great measure. But if I do have to sacrifice one for the other in a pinch, I know I'd keep people.

Wealth is replaceable. (Just ask my Honda CRX or my old LG). But people KIAYA isn't aren't.I

Somewhere, in a dark cobblestone alley...

Neuros leaned leisurely against the wall beside the back entrance of a worn down bowling alley, the fog from his freezing breath and the puffs of cigarette smoke mingling together in the brisk winter air. He was dressed for the cold, but not so much that he couldn't pass for a worker out on a smoking break. Which, by the way if you were to ask him, he was.

Not that the topic would come up. After all, this alley, at this hour, was not exactly a hub of society. At least, not most society. Neuros only planned on talking to one man that night. That man had just turned a corner and was walking up the alley, as slowly and casually as any stranger would walk towards another. His gate betrayed no knowledge of the man taking a smoking break until they were within feet of each other. By then, the stranger had spotted the smoker's face out of the corner of his eye. He greeted him.

"Hello, Neuros. I didn't take you for the type that smoked."

"You haven't talked to me in so long, I don't expect you to be able to take me for anything." Neuros said, dropping the butt to the ground. It landed in a dusting of snow and went out with a sizzle before he could grind it with his heel. "I don't, really. Its mostly for cover." he said, smirking as he looked up at his old accomplis.

"I appreciate you meeting with me. I heard you had retired."

"Oh, you know my type...we rarely really retire. " His voice became a bit softer- "At least... not with people like you, Wanderer. "

Wanderer looked away and coughed for a second, then seemed to pause before talking again. "Thanks."

"I haven't seen you since, what... 20? You look a bit different now, you know. Your wearing black." he added, half jokingly.

Wanderer looked at his coat briefly as he produced a small vile from it. "I'm wearing something." he said distantly as he popped the cap off, letting steam rise from the top. He noticed Neuros's inquisitive look. "Nothing from a paper bag, Neuros. Just coffee."

"I must say-" he said in a pleasantly surprised tone, "You've done better then I thought you would have. Your discharge, was it...?"

"It was a discharge, okay?" Wanderer snapped back, "but...I don't think its permanent. "

"Sorry....So, whats the occasion?"

Wanderer put the lid on the vile and slipped it back into his coat as he cleared his throat. "I have a...gardening dilemma, so to speak."

Neuros expression barely changed, but his eyes betrayed a smiling understanding. "Botany; of course. Do tell."

"There is a garden I've been watching back in the country- a very special garden. Its fruits will be prized, its promise is unmatched. I've spent a lot of time walking through its rows, smelling its air. It is a beautiful garden. I've thought about it, and I've decided I want to cultivate it myself so that it can better meet its potential and so I can have the opportunity to enjoy toiling with such fortuned soil.

Neuros laughed softly. "Thats quite a speech... I've always thought you were a green thumb at heart. Whats the problem?"

"Someone else is tending it already."

Neuros furrowed his brow. "Does he own it?"

"No one owns it!" Wanderer shot back, slightly surprised at the seething tone in his own voice. "Its a wild garden."

"But- he got to it first. "

"Yeah."

The man out on his smoking break raised his head up in thought, and let out a slow deliberate breath that filled the air above them with a fleeting fog. "Is this man dying?"

"No."

"Is this gardener a very wicked man?"

"No... I wish he was. He's a very nice man, actually. I almost like him. But I know I could do better- and there is no other soil like this. The fortuned soil suffers from my inaction, in a way. "

"Do you plan on taking it?" Neuros asked calmly.

"Perhaps. " Wanderer turned his head to meet the gaze he could feel being directed towards him. "Look, I know its not...ideal. But it might be an opportunity that I just can't give up. He...he doesn't appreciate the soil, anyway."

"Do you know that?"

"It doesn't matter if I know it! All I can do right now, is LOOK at it. I want to be a part of it, Neuros! I want the dirt between my fingers, I want to be invested in this land. I want to nurse it through the droughts, fend of its pests and celebrate its bounties when they come. I know I can. I know I'm right for the job..."

Neuros was silent, his expression, unreadable. After a moment, Wanderer continued.

"Some fruit- they rolled out of the plot. Several of them, actually. I tasted them. Its out of this world. I need this fruit- and Neuros, I think it needs me, too. "

"So you are going to take it?"

Wanderer relaxed a bit and took out his vile again. "I don't know... not just yet. " He took a sip. "I'll continue to watch it. I'll hold off my decision until another year or so passes by. A lot of things can happen in a year, you know? Maybe, the gardener will take sick. Perhaps he will be distracted with business afar and abandon the land. Perhaps there will be an accident. There is always the chance that he will be out of the equation. Then.... " Wanderer tapped his vile of coffee, nervously distracted in thought. "Then I wouldn't have to deal with it. "

"Your not suggesting...taking him out of the picture yourself, are you?" Neuros asked, his normally blank expression betraying a hint of anxiety.

Wanderer put the vile back and dusted off his coat. He looked at the ground and appeared as if he were about to say something, but instead he just shook his head. Finally, he looked up.

"Well, thanks. Thanks for listening, friend. "

"Thats it?"

"Thats all... we haven't talked in a while, and I'm not sure when the next time will be so.... I figured I should let you know what I might do. "

As Neuros looked at Wanderer, one could not tell if he was more angry, surprised, or proud. It didn't really matter. Wanderer went on.

"Because I know- if anything goes wrong? Any plan you could start working on right now for just that occasion will prove itself very useful. "

And with that, Wanderer turned and walked away.



TO BE CONTINUED...

A fog examined

Driving home tonight was made much more exciting then normal by an unusual amount of fog. As I drove down the road, it seemed to come at me in small surging wisps and in long hanging clouds. The road would be visible one moment, almost completely concealed the next, then visible through a soft layer of fog again. It kept one guessing, and made you alert. My feet were a little closer to the pedals, my posture, more prone. I didn't know what to expect, and moment after moment was a surprise.

It was oddly analogous of the primary. It kept us guessing all week, then it kept us watching all night. For me, it is a unique election. This is only my second time being able to vote in a presidential race, but its not the second campaign I've followed. My family has always been at least moderately aware and active in politics, and I've spent several evenings huddled close to the TV, watching results pour in. But this one is different for me. For the first time, I wasn't rooting for the candidate my parents were rooting for. My candidate (Ron Paul) wasn't even considered a serious contender. And different also this year is my following of the democrats primary as well. I never thought I'd say this, but I think I got more into the democratic ABC debate then the Republican one. Even though I dislike both candidates policies, I have found myself rooting for Obama to get the nomination on the Democratic side. I had a horse in both races. I was happy when he came in first in Iowa. I was overjoyed when people started talking about Hillary falling fast. And so, I was hoping for another victory by him tonight to balance out the bitter taste of McCain taking the state I love and giving the most American, constitutionalist candidate I know less then 10 percent. Afterall, if I was to have to pick between the two democrats running, I would feel safer with Obama. Clinton is, as a friend has recently put it to me, "a very oldschool, power play, family connection kind of candidate". I want to see her loose. I want her to see that no one is owed the presidency in the United States. At least Obama brings a freshness to the table. But no; in my great state, Obama has lost narrowly to Hillary.

Though a somewhat discouraging end to my otherwise pleasant day, I have hope for the rest of the campaign. The race is really wide open, on both sides. And so the tightness of the race, like the fog- though it confounds us and frustrates some- it makes the ride a heck of a lot more exciting.

Here's to a great 2008 everyone.

(And I'm sorry my first post in over a month had to be about Politics. )

The wish list of Little Man

Well, Christmas season is upon us. It becomes apparent right about now, when everyone's wishlist is stuck of on the fridge and flying around email.

My favorite has to be my little brothers- for the last two years now, his lists have just made my minute whenever I read them. Its a little time capsule of who he is at the moment- his quirky sense of humor, his optimistic look on life and his creativity, untouched by the critical mind of adulthood, or even "the big kids" world.

Below is his list, republished with permission:

1. Webkinz (a bunny would be nice, but any other one is okay too)
2. L'ilkinz (a black cat would be nice, but any other one is okay too)
3. Mobile Devastator (Lego set)
4. Aero Booster (Lego set)
5. Blade Titan (Lego set)
6. Cyclone Defender (Lego set)
7. Sky Guardian (Lego set)
8. Golden Guardian (Lego set)
9. Rollercoaster Tycoon (1)
10. Rollercoaster Tycoon 3D
11. Another Golden Guardian (cause in the comics there are like, 21 Golden Guardians…. it's really cool. So please, if you can-if you have enough money…uh…get me 21 Golden Guardians? Heh heh…Please?)
12. Five cinnamon sugar pretzels from Sam's Club and 5 salt ones…please.
13. Blazing Falcon (Lego set)
14. $50
15. Laptop
16. Tough Book
17. Candy Corn
18. Candy
19. Freezer
20. Couch
21. Ice cubes
22. Cups
23. Water
24. Fruit
25. Wood
26. Screws
27. A Designing room right next to Zeke and my room
28. Six birds
29. Five dogs
30. Two cats
31. Five Hamsters
32. Eight horses
33. One acre of land [Editors Note: Getting into real estate already? This kids a genius. I wish I could get him this...]
    
34. Hay
35. A pond
36. Paper
37. Markers
38. Trees
39. Giraffes
40. Zebras
41. Monkeys
42. Bird seed
43. Monkey bars
    
44. Fences
45. Telegraph
46. Batteries
47. Pencils
48. Wires
49. Insulators
50. Conductors
51. Paper clips
52. Computer
53. Rollercoaster simulator
54. Everything simulator, made by drawn pictures seen by mirrors make the picture move in front of you moved by motors
55. Bricks and cement
56. Nails (not like fingernails)
57. Tissue box
58. Table
59. Chairs
60. Tank (like an aquarium-about 500 feet long and tall)
61. 100 Goldfish
62. 50 sea monkeys
63. Bible (Just in case I lose my other one)
64. Map of Londonderry and Manchester in one
65. Underground tunnel to Andrew's house, Andrew's house, Andrew's house, and church [Editors note: Little man has three friends named Andrew. He never grows tired of how funny that is.]
    
66. CRZ (when I am old enough to drive I can drive it!) [Editors note: Takes after his brother when it comes to taste in cars it seems!]
    
67. Helicopter
68. 50 RAMS
69. 1 3D card (for a computer)
70. 2 extra motherboards
71. 10 speakers
72. 1 that controls the sound for each speaker with a paper clip and two slots-one for input and two to left and right speakers
73. Keyboard and mouse

_________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed his list as much as I did...man I love that kid.

Giving thanks

Well everyone, it has been a whole year since the last Thanksgiving. And you know what that means- its thanksgiving again.

Therefore, I hereby usurp for now my previous post plans and present for your special holiday consumption, my humble list of thanks. I am thankful for (and as last year, in no particular order):

1. Friends, whom I shall elaborate on throughout this list
2. My jolly yellow truck, which I will miss sorely when the poor thing breaths its last.
3. Bosses, whom despite their over documentational urges and occasionally random requests, really can be good guys and call you on the way home just because they forgot to wish you a happy thanksgiving.
4. Music- quite possibly the easiest entry point the undefinable qualities that make us human.
5. Good conversation that transcends gender, social, economic and political boundaries.
6. For Pushing Daises (the TV show)
7. Heroes (the real ones)
8. Heroes (the show)
9. Innovation
10. Dreams you can act on
11. My family (Especially that Abi and I can be such good friends now)
12. Kiaya, my favorite NaNoWriMo author ever and just an awesome human being in general
13. Anders, a kindred soul in deep thinking, random joking, business aspiration, and hair style
14. Brandon, the resident Sci-fi expert never short on opinion or theory, and often in surplus of good geek jokes
15. Lyndsi, who's philosophical musings and good humor I can't get enough of
16. Jim, who's the hardware hacker I'd love to be and another kindred soul in businesses aspirations as well as a wealth of other areas
17. Leah, who's smile and humor brighten my Sunday's behind the sound board
18. Noah- 3 quarters my size, twice my wit. He's in some ways my more efficient sequel
19. Shpongle, an amazingly atmospheric electronica group that one of the night crew janitor's showed me.
20. Mute Math
21. Eisley
22. John Reuben
23. Christie Dupree
24. Can I say Eisley again?
25. My coworkers- worts and all, they are really a good bunch of people.
26. My car, the fun efficient little thing with the scandalous license plate.
27. Narnia
28. Making new friends
29. The ability to play in the big game of business- for their really is no thrilling, higher stake game.
30. Loosing money and learning lessons in business now, when I don't have to support a family. It smarts a bit, but you get up, dust yourself off and remount.
31. My job at [AwesomeCo] that decided to bless me with for reasons I still do not fathom.
32. Honest conversations with my dad on a man to man level. Thanks, dad.
33. That a spider wick movie coming out soon
34. Ethan- for telling me about the awesome new trailer for the spiderwick movie that is coming out soon
35. The new LG Voyager, for being such a kick'n phone, giving the Verizon people something to stick around for and giving Apple some competition.
36. My old phone- two broken screens be as they may, it has served me well. Not many other phones I know can be ran over with my truck and dropped in the Atlantic and still keep ticking. Plus its hilarious limited functionality makes for a good conversation starter.
37. The Cat in the Hat hat Kiaya gave me last Christmas, which is an even greater conversation starter.
38. Long drives with the music cranked on foggy cool nights
39. Snow!!
40. Particularly, snow before Thanksgiving!
41. Glenn Beck.
42. The Alverados
43. Seth- what more is there to say? He's just the man.
44. "Grandpa Dan" from work.
45. Chinese food. It makes the world a better place.
46. Mexican food. See 45.
48. Long chat conversations on every topic, from the extremely stupid to the extremely deep.
49. Air travel.
50. Airships.
51. Cows. They may look stupid and move slow, but how on earth could you have a bacon double CHEESE burger with out them?
52. That reminds me- pigs.
53. Zebra Cakes
54. Heck, lets just say food. I must be getting hungry.
55. Time to relax from all the crazy hustle and bustle.
56. SLEEP.
57. Thankful lists
58. Bundling up to stay warm.
59. Sir Richard Branson (here's a video of what he's like in person)
60. Freedom.

Now go enjoy your feast everyone. Happy thanksgiving.

Reading by the fireplace

I was always a fan or the romantic idea of curling up to a good book and reading it by the fireplace light. Its such a warm, safe and cozy sounding thing... but you know what? Its really not all that great. I mean it is, but its not as perfect as we so often make it out to be. I thought about this last night when I attempted to recreate this idealistic notion while a blazing fire was started upstairs. I pulled up a chair and tried to read The Golden Compass.

I began to realize yet again as I shifted in my seat that all I ever get when I actually try this in real life is strained eyes from bad lighting, a cold back and a leg thats about to go up in flames.

And yet, I still love the idea. Its irrational, really- but somehow my personal memories of how difficult it is to get comfortable by a fireplace are always overrun by this grand ideal thought of being around a fireplace. Anyone else ever notice that kind of quirk about yourself?