Recent thoughts that have passed through my head

I'm overdue for an adventure.

I'm not really sure much of anything these days.

How come humans are so complicated?

I wish I had someone to share this with.

This would be so much greater if I could share this with Her.

How do you find out?

How do you know you've found it?

How do you learn from your mistakes when your so concerned that you'll give some one a bad example that you never make any mistakes?

Beautiful things enrapture and torture me.

How come I am so special?

I don't want to be a role model. Its to much to bear.

If I ask for a hug, would I get an inquisition?

How do you know you've found her? How do you know you're right?

I really wish I was allowed to love right now.

Can you live your own life if you constantly are paranoid when you cross any one elses?

Beauty that is always passing you is one of life's mockeries.

I plan things for one reason, but my reaction to details and roster changes betrays hints of my ulterior motives. If they are mine, why can't they just be clear?

Is taking a chance never okay if it involves possible harm to another person?

Why am I so lazy?

Would a hug kill her?

Why can't I do what I want to do?

Is a high salary merely a good to trap you from the best?

If I'm not getting better, am I falling back?

Painfully beautiful.

I can't even quite render what it is that has me so upset. And that makes me frustrated and sad. How can I figure out a problem when I don't know what the problem is?

Whats the big flipping deal about geography?

Is it wrong if cultures merge? Is preservation a good idea in the long run, or should we not even bother?

Why do I suddenly want to share my life?

Is culture really valuable?

What am I doing wrong?

How come I suddenly want to move?

How much damage have I done?

Will she ever be totally healed?

Will I ever be better?

What did they take out in Wanderer's surgery? Is it in remission? Was it even a problem?

How come everyone is so uptight?

How come so exclusive? This doesn't make sense.

Why can't everyone chill out and let adventure and life happen?

How much of the church is right?

Who in the church is genuine?

How come healing is so spotty?

Age is a thorn in the side. 4 years now is a legal weapon. 6 years later does not even raise an eyebrow.

How come emotions are so fickle?

Is it wrong to want companionship?

The one thing good to be said about not knowing your intentions, is that if someone asks you what they are you don't have to lie about them.

How come most of my good friends are so much younger?

How does one expand their social circle with out barging in on a new one?

If your relations run wide do they tend to run shallow?

Age is rubbish at measuring most qualities other then age.

Am I being a selfish brat?

----

Sorry guys, this is a very lousy post and I think most of you will have to admit that. I just needed a sounding board to dump stuff on, and it didn't even work that well (which is why I believe it is a bad post). But I figured an update is an update and ergo I post.

Ouch.

Preface

I was going to post an amazing poem and sort of deep ramblings type post next. I had some stuff I've been knocking about in my head for a spell that I had until very recently not been able to render in any discernible form. These were the things that my next post would be about.

But then someone seemed to almost take offense that I posted about a car (or any possession for that matter- the thought!) and seemed to suggest that non-material things would be much more flattering on this blog.

Dude, this blog is me. It's post processed for a number of reasons, sure- but its me. If I get a car, am I not to be happy about that? If I make a good deal with someone, am I to wipe that smile off my face and put on sackcloth and ashes? We live in a world of things material. To not find joy in them would be folly in my opinion. To make them the source of our joy or to buy them hoping they will provide our joy- that is folly was well. I strive to be like Paul- being content with plenty and being content with little.

Strangely, before purchasing the car (and I'll admit, a little bit after it) I had this weird "car guilt" complex. Because it was fun and really cool. No, I didn't spend to much for it. No, it wasn't useless. No, I am not getting this car to attract attention to myself and no I am not getting this car as a status symbol (its 17 years old for Pete's sake!). So why would I feel guilty? There is no reason to make a purchase, and then instead of enjoying it, turn around and wallow in remorse.

..Wait, what the heck? This was supposed to be a shallow "look what I dun wit my here toys, yeahaw!" type posts. Huh... Oh well... I'll just work my point into the story.

Once upon a time...
Now that I have a car that I can commute with (both for [AwesomeCo] and my own meetings), I am less concerned about the trucks quirks, even if they prove fatal. Even if Big Yellow went down, it won't affect my ability to get places. This allows me the freedom to use my truck in a very stupid, fun recreational sort of way... going over trails and through woods, even if Grandmas house isn't on the other end.


I found some power line trails pretty close to us that Brandon and I spent an hour or so with one day. It was pretty fun, but we couldn't go to far on it. Then the other day Brandon told me about some trails over by his work. When our schedules finally matched up, we loaded into the truck and got going.

As it was my truck, I was first. I drove up the trail slowly until I got to a certain point where we parked to get out and survey the road ahead. Mum had warned me to not get stuck and we took the advice to heart- anywhere the terrain looked iffy, we walked through testing the firmness and plotting out how we would steer to avoid this rock here, or that boulder there. We mapped ahead till we found a place we could turn around the truck in- that way we would have the option of going further, but at least we knew we could get back.

I started at the top of a hill, which we went a little ways down in a crazy crossing back and forth manner at first, but after that the path wasn't very hilly- just curvy. Speed isn't the thing in offroading (at least its not the only thing)- you want to be in control and the fun appeal is more in conquering the terrain and going the limits of your vehicle mechanically rather then going as fast as possible. That being said, when we came to the mud stretches, we needed enough speed to make it to the other side. I took the first one- pulled to the right a little over the track to dodge rock number one, cutting it hard to the left for a second to avoid rock two, then straighten out to make it to the other side. I was just about to come to a muddy and futile stop- Brandon was saying "Don't get stuck, don't get stuck...." and I was replying "I know I know, almost out..." We were loosing speed, but just before we would have come to a stand still my front wheels grabbed solid land and pulled me out. Perfect.

After that I the ground rose a couple of feet and curved around again to present a second muddy area. This one was not so tricky as it was a much clearer shot and I basically just powered through it. So far, so good.

We came to the little area where we could turn around and parked the truck. Hopping out, we ran up the trail a bit and saw another mud pit- this one much worse. "I dunno..." we said. We wanted to drive further, so we followed the trail up a bit more by foot to come to a small wetland area complete with frogs resting in a shallow lake. "Okay, not going to work..." we said and turned back. After investigating a fork in the trail that also lead to disaster, we headed back to the truck. "Your turn Dude!" I told Brandon as a handed him the keys. He got in, adjusted the seat and all that, then we were off.

He deffinatly didn't want to get stuck. The first mud pile he powered through a little faster then I did and got over with no problems at all. Now we wound our way down and around to the second one. Coming back to this mud area from the other direction meant we didn't have any straight lead up to it like the last time. It was just sort of there, and our front wheels were almost in it . He laid the gas down heavy.

Too heavy, IMHO. We were bucking like bull riders, and when your front wheels are in the air steering is much less effective. Long story short, we hit a rock or two. Hard. From the air.

(...okay thats a bit over dramatizing it I guess. What I mean is that I my front wheels went up and then slammed down on a rock I think).

We heard an awful scraping sound, drowned out only by the noise of the engine and Brandon's perfuse apologies. We figured there was some damages- but at this point we weren't out of the mud yet so we were committed. He pressed on till we were out of the mud pit. He threw it into park and we got out of the vehicle to see what happened.

Immediately I started to look around for something that had come off of the truck. I don't have a skid plate and it really sounded like I hit something on the undercarriage. But after looking behind us on the track for awhile and around the vehicle we didn't find anything laying about. We got back in and started to roll out some more. As we started to drive, suddenly I heard a weird sound-

"ka-thump....ka-thump....ka-thump"

Again we stopped the truck, and again I jumped out. This time, I saw the problem. The right front tire was flat, and a little bit off the rim. "Oh man, I popped the tire off the rim..." Brandon observed. Oh well- I had a spare, no big deal. I dug into the back of my truck and fetched out the tire-iron, then the jack- oh wait no! I don't have a jack. Shoot.

This proved to be a problem. For a while we tried to figure out how to drive it into some terrain that would lift the wheel off the ground for easier access, but after that failed we surveyed the terrain ahead of us and decided to drive it up and out onto the road (I drove this time). We got it there and pulled it to the side, flashers on. Then we proceeded to go door to door asking for a jack.


Two no-one homes later and one "don't have one" later, we called in the infantry- that'd be...that'd be my mom. We called my mom, who found the floor jack and brought it over to us.

But before that happend, a cop came and...well I guess he couldn't really pull us over since we already were, but he pulled over, and did the whole "guilty till proven innocent" thing. I was all smiles with him, having a good time but boy was he nervous.

"Whatcha got here?"
"Just a flat."
"Where were you?" (Clearly a rhetorical question since the trails were to the right and my muddy tracks to the road were right in front of him.)
"Over there on the trails..."
"What were you doing?"
"We were just going around on the trails."
"WE? Who's 'WE'?"
"Me and my friend."
"Wheres your friend?"
"He's just over the hill...hes taking a break"
"He's what?"
"Just takingabreak..."
"What he doing?"
"He's taking a leak Officer."
"Can I see some I.D.?"
"Sure..." (pull out my wallet, give him the ID then put my wallet and hands back in my pocket)
"Sir please remove you hands from your pockets!!"
"Oh, okay right..."

It continued. We got back to the topic of what I was doing.

"Supposed to be there?" (Strangely worded...its not like that was our calling, but...)
"Yes officer- or I mean, we aren't not supposed to be over there."
"Is that so?"
(trying not to take the confrontational bate)
"Yes Officer I believe so-"
"That your land?"
"No sir, but its public access."
"Is it?"
"...yes officer- I mean, I am not trying to contradict you sir but I am fairly sure it is. Is it not?"
"Its the power companies property"
"Yeah, but its public has public easement, doesn't it?"

I could tell he didn't know this, but he was really nervous about it. It was almost like he wanted us to let on to what was legal or not. It wasn't really going to work since apparently we didn't know anything he didn't either way. About that time Brandon came back from the hill and joined the fun. Asked him what we were doing, he told 'em we were mudding, officer asked for ID, etc.

When he turned to go to the cop car and we took a step forward while we asked if he had a jack he got scared again (though this time I suppose I can understand it)- "Please do not approach the vehicle!!! Please step back and remain by the truck!!"

Phew... I tried and tried through smiling and making small jokes to get this guy to laugh but the most he did was crack a "you stupid youth" sort of smile. I guess thats something. We didn't get written up for anything after he found out that there were no warrants for our arrest, so thats cool. He did tell us not to go on those trails because they were the private property of the power company. He wouldn't tell us anywhere we could go, just that we should take it up with our towns.



After he left and we were waiting for the floor jack to arrive, the person who didn't have a jack for us came back out. "I'm really sorry, I feel kind of stupid I have 4 cars and not one that will fit yours... did you guys get someone?" We told him we had- he was really nice. Hung around while we changed the tire and even let us use his pliers. While we worked we told him about what the cop told us about it being the power companies property."

"Nah, that all back there is MY property, actually."

Oh, huh... go figure. I suppose if we ever had the urge to go back to that trail we could ask him for permission then... not that this will happen. This kind of maintenance is not really in my budget (when we got the wheel off, we found out that the rim was bent. Yay us).

Moral
Okay, so I said I'd tie this story in with the point of my preface. This at least won't take long- I just wanted to say that I didn't really care that Brandon busted up my wheel. Its material. We are all safe, its an accident, I've broken things before. I don't want to be the type that freak out when something of mine breaks, even if it cost me something. Its just not worth getting upset about it. I'm sure he feels worse then I do as it is anyway- I know I would and I don't want to make things worse.

Thats how I want to enjoy material things- they come, you can enjoy them, but when they go (I'm Not to say my truck is dead- I drove it home and everything) , just don't worry about it. Its just things. I want to be able to do that with everything, especially when I have a family. "Oh, you drove my car through the garage junior? Well just next time don't drive until your over the age of 10." "What, you burnt the clutch out Susan? No honey, don't worry about it I did the same thing with my dads."

The world is made up of things. Enjoy them. But don't rely on them- after all they are just things.

One liners of wit or wisdom, but probably neither

This is a jumbled up, to-much-weirdness-swirling-around-after-to-many-days-of-running-ragged sort of post.

---_---
Maybe you've heard the song "Everyone's Beautiful." Well, I get what he's driving at, but I think I have to make qualifications on this.
A) MOST people are beautiful. I truly believe this as basically everyone I know is beautiful, to some degree if not an extreme one. I don't care what you look like, you have to be pretty messed up to not have at least a trace of beauty in you. It probably comes from the Divine family resemblance.
B) That being said, even to such undiscerning tastes, some people I think can truly be evil at their core, whether it be reflected in their facial features or not.

So, to restate it I suppose it would go "Most people are beautiful. And some are quite pretty, too." Hmm... I see why the great band water deep didn't go this route though... not nearly as good a line to build a song around.
^-*Frustrated exhaling of wind from the esophagus* I don't think I conveyed quite what I was trying to say here.

---_---

I want to be near a hail storm once, if not just so I could go out, pick a hail stone up and announce to everyone that this is a piece of war. "War?" they ask, "Why yes," I'd reply, "Haven't you heard? War is hail."

Actually I bet their are alot of jokes just waiting to happen after a hail storm. It would seem to me that frozen water is a comic gold mine.
_-_----

Google is sometimes just as geographically challenged as me. We make a horrible team.

_--_-

I'm a bit concered for Brad when I heard he was going to Norwhich univerity. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the name an abrieviation for "Nordic Witch Univeristy"? Brad, what are you doing getting mixed up with those Viking wiccans?!

--_-_


Me, upon trying the new Cheesy Angus Bacon Burger: "My name is Zeke Gable, and I approve this burger."
-_---

Its Palm Sunday- *high five*

(...get it?)

_-_-

I feel my fortune is double edged. On the one hand I am surrounded by beauty. But on the other, I feel I am forced to only look at it from a far. I am so afraid of spoiling it, or perhaps of what others think of me if I tread upon it, that I dare not enjoy but a fleeting shallow interaction.

I suppose it doesn't help that I've once carelessly destroyed a prized garden. And I had been so careful up until then. But one destruction as such, one defeat via the enemy through me, and I'm out. I find it safer. I find it more prudent. I find it unbearably difficult as well.
_-__--

Is it possible to call in well? Like, my sister has to work all day Saturday. Thats a drag, but you see she's not sick. Can't she just call in and say "Hey sorry I have to call in well. Saturday is a going to be really nice and I'm going to be too well to come in. "

^This one was alot funnier before I wrote it down.

--_-_--

If you have elder-berry echinacia tea, I think its Biblical to respect it. I don't really know how far the whole "elder" thing goes, but I figure I'll be on the safe side.
_-_--

Okay, so that was a meaningless just sort of ramble on the keyboard post. Don't mind the overdue teenage angst, I'll be better after some sleep. I just wanted an outlet.

Big changes subtly realized

Hi everyone, big life announcement-

I'm getting married.

No, no, I'm just kidding.... well I hope to eventually but I'm not any closer.

Okay, so seriously.

I'm moving to Arizon.

Okay, nah I'm just kidding there as well. I mean I won't rule it out. But I'm not going anywhere.

Okay.

I have a cell phone.

No, this one I'm serious about. What, not a big deal? Yeah, I get that. Check it- I'm edging towards 21 and I finally decided to get one. It is cool. Just...not very spectacular (this post is not a gadget post, but remind me sometime to tell you about this phone because it is pretty sweet).

Thats basically what this post is about. Not about the phone or even major life changes, but a life changed majorly, and when you look back at the things that caused it, you can't help but scratch your head and say "thats it? Thats what's caused all the difference?"

Perhaps the events really are major and I just adapt to change too quickly and too well. I hadn't thought of this until now- but that would make sense. I've sort of built up an indifference- immunity to change over time, (a "just roll with it" type of deal) and it has served me well for the most part. That could be it- maybe not. Either way though, growing up can be terribly anti-climatic.

For me, I've only noticed a major differences while realizing a major tug of war in my schedule. I have work 8 hours a day now, and I've been trying to start a business at the same time. I can be pretty busy. But on the other hand, my job has begot money, which has begot mobility, and when mobility is full grown, it gives birth to freedom. This is wonderful- it allows me not only to go to and from work, but also enables me to be more actively social (sort of). I can now visit my brother, meet clients, and get together with friends from Agape with out having to sync myself to the van schedule.

About that last part- friends. I feel like I am on a sparse middle ground between the professional world (or at least "real" world- the junk business isn't that pro...) and adolescent world- the safe sandlot world, where one can have fun and make mistakes with out worrying about how it will play out in the rest of your life. I say its sparse ground simply because I know not of many others that tread it- its not really difficult the way I walk it right now, but it is strange, I think, to others. I have friends ranging the ages and I still really have fun with them. I go to concerts, I hang out with people (though not as often as I'd like), I even got to visit the school yesterweek. But at the same time, I am watching the clock like an adult- I know their is no question as to me arriving at work when I say I will. I have a ball with my friends from Agape, I miss them! Nothing really has changed in the way I interact with them, but mentally I spot a difference.

I show it to you all now; mark it well. You can make mistakes now. You can work out human nature's drama in your social circles at this time. Its like a sandbox. Thats what its there for- you learn to work out who you are and even work out who you don't want to be. Yes, there are repercussions. You have the potential to get into a lot of trouble. But when your on the other side you'll see a difference, I think. What I mean to say is that for alot of people, adolescence is like the Vegas of life- what happens there can stay there. Except lessons learned can be carried through. Its really remarkable.

In the back of my mind I wonder if I went through the social mazes too well. I got by pretty well by playing it, at least as I saw it, smart. I avoided alot of mistakes I saw people make, or heard of them making. I would oft go against my natural instincts or desires in favor of better judgment.

*removes hand from keyboard and looks around nice office, and at dual screens, reflectively*
Well, maybe its not such a bad idea....

Still, reading, learning and doing business has banged a concept into my head so often that I suddenly realized I believe in it at a very core level. And that concept is that making mistakes is the best ways of learning. And that, yes, you want to calculate and not aim for failure, but getting out their and making some deals that go bad, by getting burned on something- doing this EARLY is much better then doing it late.

Right now I'm trying to be a scrap broker. I bought 22 computers for $200. I was hoping to turn around and make $300 or at least $250 on them. I had talked to the supplier, I asked him about what they had in them. They were supposed to have 512Mb of ram each- I knew I could sale the ram alone for $20 on ebay or somewhere else. I calculated what I needed to do. I had it down.

But of course, when I got them back, they didn't all have 512MB of ram. 4 of them did. 3 of them had 320MB. The rest had 128MB, with the exception of the three that wouldn't turn on.

According to a philosophy that I am increasingly subscribing too, this is a perfect opportunity. Instead of cursing out my supplier and hitting myself for being an idiot who didn't test everything or drive a hard enough bargain, I should stop and think "What is this circumstance trying to tell me?" [Editors note: I am not implying any sentience on these events, like they are part of something bigger and smarter. I am merely personifying.] I think I know the lesson here- always verify claims of people to the best of your ability, and don't be afraid to point out where they fall short. Its not being rude, its protecting yourself and your livelihood. Lesson learned. $200 pleas

Getting back to the point I was making.... This is an example of an early mistake. This was a small mistake- I may have lost, at the most, $200, plus time. Am I upset about that? Yeah, its not the ending I would have chosen. But what if I got lucky this time, and the next, and the next- lets just assume that things go peachy for me for deal after deal where everything is always exactly what they say. When I finally getting around to making this mistake, I might make a two hundred thousand dollar mistake instead of a two hundred dollar mistake. It is better to fail early and learn then to avoid failure at all costs.

So how does this apply to me? Well...what if I should have made mistakes earlier? What if I should have gotten into trouble? I know this is a really weird line of reasoning, please bear with me. I'm not going to go postal or crazy just yet or anything so don't freak out. Its just something that I've been wondering about. Does the same thing apply in other things? In love? In social choices?

"What would you suggest?" I can hear you ask. "Would it be better for you to have slept around and mugged somebody so that you could know you don't want to?"

I don't think so. I don't really know the answer to these hypothetical questions. And I don't want to encourage people to go out and do stupid stuff or anything. But some things that have happened in the last year or so have brought it vividly to my attention: After a certain point, some mistakes can NOT be afforded. I am past that point for alot of mistakes. They are no longer a option.

Here's hoping I didn't need them.

[Editors note again: I really don't know what to think of this post- it was going to be much different, but curse my unruly fingers, this is what it turned out to be. I just sort of rambled. Its big, I know. Consider that punishment for begging for another. By the way- I'm on face book now. Sorry y'all, its just that much cooler. Name's Zed Fable, if you care.]

Free flowing mind patty melt

Hi everyone.

First of all, I'm so happy (blessed?) to have a few cool friends care about if I post or don't. The truth is, I just haven't been in the mood to blog recently. On the one hand, I really wanted to have a nice big and really good piece for the next post. But on the other hand, like Kiaya said, it doesn't have to be profound. But you see I was (am) on the verge of such a great topic. I am on the verge of a potentially major-life-style-changing sort of post, and so I wanted to see if that pans out. I'll probably know in a week or two. Then I'll really have a post. Or not. We'll see.

But as for this one, I think I'll just do a rambling/stream of conscious cop out. Forgive me, for I have no creativity and am slightly cranky right now. Here goes:

I had ALOT of fun at the hike. What can I say, I just LOVE the crazy cool ilk that Agape seems to attract. I had some great conversation and alot of fun times.

Some times in the past, things I'd see around me would lower my hope for humanity and dreams I'd see inside of me would raise them. Now, things I see in people around me raise my hopes and respect for humanity, and things I see within myself lower them. I don't know exactly how to take it. Its not a witty nugget of wisdom; its just a reflection.

Salvation- once saved, always saved vs. Worked out by faith debate. Ageless, endless and yet ever so pressing. This topic came up at the dinner table strangely enough, and I avoided answering for awhile, mainly because I disagreed with myself. By my sense of justice, I would say that certain people shouldn't be forgiven, or that at least, if they were forgiven and then got worse later the grace that was extended to them would seem to be void. For example, I can grasp God ransoming someone who killed others, I can understand that person being reformed and forgiven (Like Paul), but someone being ransomed by God and then going out and killing, I just sort of have this kneejerk gut reaction against them being still "saved". Not that my instincts make it right.

Perhaps it makes sense to think of the free gift of salvation as not a one time use gift- maybe something like a beverage. Maybe an antidote; yes that works. So if you accept this antidote for a year or two for free, you're great. But you can take the gift and then not use it for awhile, at point your in trouble. In this way of looking at it, it is simply a matter of USING the free gift.

I know, there were zilch scripture references in that, which I suppose makes it a large bunch of pointless speculation. Very well, treat it as such. I really am just wondering things out loud.

Uhh, what else.... I have discovered some music recently that I really don't like. That, no matter how much I try to find the cool artistic intent behind it, I can't think of anything good to say. Yes, it was on the radio.

Cliche ahead warning: When God shuts a door, he really does open another. Its almost like he's trying to lead me somewhere (Mock sarcasm: NO! rEEALY?). But its true. The Agape thing (disclaimer: even though basically my fault) really broke me for a bit, but I bounced back from it for the better. I hope that all can do the same. Its ironically enough gotten me on a better path for finishing up my education and POSSIBLY even- oh right, that I was going to save for later if it panned out.

Uhh... Speaking of pans. Bed pans make me think of oil pans, or actually vice versa.

I think we should turn some of our frickin huge amounts of coal into artificial Gasoline and stick it to our enemies over in good ol' midEa. Having your enema hold the purse strings to your economy is basically stupid. If you allow major opportunities to regain control of the purse strings, possibly even treasonous.

I do believe in Bigelow- I do, I DO!

Is

Update:I just posted this by accident. I think it was a sign. I am tired, I am through. I am tired, how bout you?

Of ROC, humanity and suprisingly light metal

I think I am lowering my standards, and allowing my blog posts to wander and ramble to topics completely unrelated. So litigate me.

Its time to ROC
Everyone! I can not believe I have been this slow in telling you all. I have a new blog that I am doing with a couple other friends. Its all about Random Obscure Culture- and ergo, is called SpreadROC.blogspot.com. I encourage all of you to check it out, look around and comment. Suggestions, criticism, rotten tomatoes- whatever you got. Oh, and be sure to read my proudest of stories: English Jack- a hermit who lived in the white mountains. Now you don't want to miss that, do you? So quick! Head on over!

Very light iron
Recall this pile of computer carcasses?

All the stripped cases (the big metal things on the back) are gone now. I took them to a scrap metal dealer. I had to get rid of a fridge... and due to very troublesome freon issues, I couldn't take the scrap copper (I approximated $30 dollars worth) out and sell it myself. We had to pay them 20 dollars to take it... Its frustrating, but its the cheapest option. The Londonderry dump will take it for 50 dollars. I could have an HVAC guy come and "reclaim" the Freon with special equipment, but that's $79 per hour. In the end, I just had to admit defeat and let the scrap yard get all the profit.

Because of the computer recycling project, I've been calling around a whole bunch of scrap metal buyers and checking rates. They weren't the best deal on anything but the fridge, but they were close, so I took the steel computer cases there. This grade of steel is called "light iron" for some reason. Perhaps its because you get so little for it. I turned those cases into $1.75. Yeesss!!!

One of the workers just told me I was "all set, you can go now." But I protested- I wanted my money. He must of thought I was daft, but dang it, that's the hardest buck seventy-five I've ever earned.

The scrap yard itself was really huge and impressive. I think everyone should see it- its that cool. Definitely my little bro will have to- he would go bonkers.

There are HUGE piles of metal everywhere, separated by large dirty gravelish roads. When you drop off stuff, you're actually right in the thick of huge dump trucks, little Bobcat vehicles scampering everywhere and huge, two story clawed juggernauts on wheels. I actually had to stop to let this giant CAT claw-mobil pass me. Another one was crunching up metal in the distance. Its so active, so abuzz with activity and alot of man power. It struck me as a kind of outside factory- metals in various states of sort and crush, people moving about, heavy machinery everywhere. Words don't do the fun it was justice.

Seemingly deep random thinkings:
Humans are so frail. We think we aren't, but our lives teeter on edges never seen until it is to late. Amazingly small things can trigger horrible events. People can ruin lives by a few ill planned words. No matter who you are, no matter what you've done, your life is delicate and can be de-railed. As sad as it is, it is profound:

"...All the tears we cry tell us were made the same... We build our different lives, but they all break the same." ---Mute Math

It is truth.

Incredible video
Okay, on to quite probably less deep thoughts. I've found out how to embed video and I have to show it off with this absolutely amazing animation for a song by a band called "The Real Tuesday Weld". No, serious.

The Real Tuesday Weld - Bathtime In Clerkenwell

My next hair brained business plan. Or: an unlikely gold mine

Okay, now for a real life post: no this is not a dream. I suppose I should apologize for that last one, but hoho baby, I am not sorry. That worked even better then I thought. And honestly! It was a real dream, haha... suuckaahs!

So... what have I been up to?

Life for me has been louder- the highs are higher and lows lower, so that the contrast is much sharper and abrupt sometimes. This is life more, well, lifelike. If I had to choose between extremes and a dull semi eventless life, I do think I would choose the extremes. Not that I enjoy my mistakes...bah, but enough of theory. Lets get into it, shall we?

Here's an outline:
I went to soulfest and it was great
BTW my birthday is coming up
Heres my wishlist, fam.
I like various music
I'm sort of on a diet
My little bro is cool and I have gold-fever.

(some items removed for brevity's sake)
(Update- and since I know some of you have short attention spans, I'll put the topic in bold so you can skip right to the one you care about. There, ya happy?)

I went to soulfest and it was great
It was an amazing event, but by now I've told some of these stories so many times that it seems stale to re-hash them so maybe I'll take this a different route and focus on the volunteering.

This year, I volunteered part time at the festival in order to get a discount ticket. I got there under the assumption that I was going to work in IT (information technology- computers, networking, etc.) because, well...thats what I was told I would be working in. Instead, the scene I arrived at was something like this:

Everyone was friendly, but everyone was busy. They were understaffed by about 200 hundred volunteers and no one knew what I.T. was. Finally a light bulb came on in the leader of volunteer's face and she said "Oh! I know where you go!" or something to that affect and much merriment was partaken of by all.

Until I got there, and the leader was utterly confused.

"Uhh, no the networks... the network was set up like, 2 weeks ago... were good- but thanks! Thank you for singing up, we uhh- if anything goes wrong, we know where you are!"

Hah, I got it. Someone made a booboo. I'm okay with that- they didn't need me there, but they DID need someone at the yurt.

"What is the yurt!?"

Well, since you asked...

The yurt was a special dome that was set up inside of the backstage/secured area. But when I say secured, I use the term lightly. Even with the shortages, there were about 350 volunteers or so and almost all of them could get backstage.

Anyway, the yurt was basically mission command- the temporary office of all divisions. The leaders all had their seats in their: Two people who basically ran soulfest this year, EMT, gunstock staff, people who coordinated transportation for all the artists, drivers, security, etc.

My job was sort of half secretary, half bouncer. I checked in and out radios, charged batteries and guarded the gates with my life from unauthorized personal. It wasn't bad- I enjoyed it actually. There was one other girl on shift with me, Priscilla (I recall this because I think it was the coolest name I heard at the festival) and the lady in charge...whom, lord forgive me, I cannot recall the name of. It went pretty good and even had it's emergencies to keep everything fun- there were not enough radios to go around, and we had to allocate them and try and make all the departments happy. On top of that, some were malfunctioning. On top of that, we had the weather to deal with- someone was tracking it on radar and was letting us know how many minutes off it looked as the staff tried to call when to shut down certain things and when to keep going.

One of the most exciting things to happen at me during the festival occurred right in the middle of all this: an environmentalists guy jumped the chain and tried to confront the girl who was heading up the festival on them not having recylable bins out everywhere yet. I was still new and he just came in like he owned the place and got past me. Luckily, the lady was a tough chick and firmly, but as kind as possible under those circumstances, escorted him out the door.

Yeah...Uhh, sorry- oops.

Well, you know I said I wasn't going to talk about soulfest much, but hah! yes I did! Hopefully it was a story you hadn't heard yet.

BTW my birthday is coming up
So... My birthday is coming up. That's cool, I guess. But I'll be honest. I don't want to be 20 right now. In a year or two, I'd be fine with it. But not right now. It scares me. I never planned on being in school right now... I forget what wonder job I was going to have, but I recall that I had planned I was going to graduate at 16 and basically get out and start adventuring from a converted van. Such is not my life as of yet.

My little bro is cool...
Let me just brag on my little brother here for a second. This kid I think must be like what my dad was at 7. He's more technically intuitive than I will ever be and shall easily surpass my skill in things tech, quite possibly before he turns 16. Some kids bug their older brothers about getting a toy or giving them the bigger piece of something. Littleman bugs me to help build a computer.

He came up the other day with everything he figured he needed to start off with: a case, a keyboard, tape, and a remote control tank. He taped the case onto the tank so he could drive it around. Alas, it was to heavy but it is the thought that counts. I mean, that's an awesome idea, isn't it? It's like the ultimate computer couch potato. You don't even have to go to the PC, the PC can come to you!

Anyway, he had asked me questions a few weeks back about how computers worked and this kid sat through me explaining everything I could on a very technical level of how the hardware works to do things, and I daresay, I think he retained over half of it. He keeps coming up to me and saying

"I have the, uhh, RAMs, the muvverboard, the disk drive and the- whats-it-called? Professor?"

"processor?"

"Yeah, wight."

I'm just geeking out about it. My friend Jim was over the other day and prophetically declared that "He's going to pwn us all. He'll be a crazy modder- he's going to pwn. You better keep an eye on him." I told him that so far I'm on his good side and I plan to keep him there. So that's what I'm going to do: I'm going to help him build his own computer from spare parts, and I'm seriously thinking about teaching him the command prompt. I think he's ready. He shall be the smallest hacker ever, migets aside. (Are there midget hackers?)

...and I have gold-fever.
And now for the content that the title teased: My hair brained gold exploiting business idea... No, a new one!

Those of you who have been to my lab know that I have ALOT of computer stuff. Most of it pretty much junk. I mean there is spare parts, but you only need so many pentium pro's with 64 mb of ram. If you think I'm bad, you have no idea.

A long time ago (perhaps 6 months- probably closer to 2 years ago) I decided to totally clean out the basement. What better way, said I, then to remove everything from it, resort, then replace? And so, I hauled out one weekend, about half the contents of the basement outside. I placed it on palates and sorted stuff in the basement. Come dusk, my dad warns me:

"You better put those in plastic bags and put a tarp over them, just in case you don't get them done soon and it rains."

Oh shoo, I think to myself, I'm going to be done tomorrow. But I obeyed anyway. Ha, glad I did.

Dad and I just took the tarp off yesterday and started going through. I had 16 computers in there.


Read that: 16 MORE computers then the ones in my basement. Some of them are a bit rusted, as you can see. Some are a lot rusted:

I've never had a rusted screw holding back an expansion card before, so this has been an interesting life first for me. I encountered these on occasion while sifting through the hardware and pulling things of any value (PCI video and network cards, etc.)

After I had vultured over them myself, I called my friend Jim. I had two questions for him.

"So, I have these systems over here and I know you like shiny coiled wire for your crazy projects. Want to see what you can get out of these power supplies?"

...to which he replied "Sure." and came over. My other question was

"So Jim...how up are you on your alchemy?"

To which he actually knew what I was talking about. You see, a while ago while he was in high school chem, he was talking to me about the process for extracting medals out chemically and electro-chemically. (I might have just invented that last word up, but its cool and makes sense so lay off) People do it for gold recovery from plated jewelry. They also do it to recover gold from computers.

Gold is a really good conductor. It doesn't corrode either. And so things that are important are plated with it- CPU's, motherboard pins, connectors for expansion cards, etc. If you can pull it out, its worth alot in the right volume. An old 486 chip has about 0.015 ounces of gold. Not much, say ye, right? Well, do you know what that's worth right now?

$9.36. Gold is floating around $620 an ounce right now. Newer chips have less gold, but they have it. And the beauty is this: Supply.

Computers are rarely recycled. Some companies are just now starting to begin programs to recycle them, but they cost money for the consumer ($30 shipping for HP's, which is the most successful large recycler). You really shouldn't just throw them away- they do contain some chemicals that hurt the environment, but none the less, some landfills are filling up with them. They call it e-waste.

Now you know I'm not the bleeding heart save the world type. I'm the free market lets make some money type. But it seems here that we have a beautiful synergy of the two here- or at least, a very good marketing ploy for all those bleeding heart types to give me money. I won't complain.

And it's not just gold. Silver is used in chips as well and hard drive platters nowadays are coated with a cobalt-platinum alloy. Then there are the non precious metals: casings of drives are often aluminum, and the case is steel (sometimes covered in plastic). Those won't fetch much, but they will fetch something. And so it has begun- my little brother and I spent today taking this:


And turning it into this:

Little man was a huge help with me on today's project... he got right in there with his screwdriver and helped me rip out power supplies, drives, LED's, plastic shells and everything else.

We stripped these computers down further then I have ever before. I basically reduced the cases to about 80 pounds of steel (which I plan on selling) and the useless plastic inserts and such. I removed every motherboard (which is quite a chore on some of the boxes) and tried to "leave not a rack behind." They are clean. After we were done, the pieces were a mess and so we had to resort them. Littleman is amazing at this sort of thing:

Behold his handy work. I came to him with another power supply while he was sorting them and he said "Oh, phew! Good. Now I will not have to make three stacks with one more in the middle then on the sides cause I can just do two piles of six. Thanks!" I told you this kid was good.

So now the next step is to call scrap yards and get the per pound rate on steel. That should be easy. It might be $5 for all of it, but hey, its something. Some of the small stuff like LED, switches, cables and system speakers I might try to sale in a big grab bag type of lot(s) on ebay. "Here! Its a lot of crap- theres nothing good, but theres lots of it so that should make up for it!" I think maybe that's the exact wording I'll use.

Then...and heres the fun part... Jim and I get together and start mixing chemicals and electricity like mad scientists. The idea is that we are "reverse electroplating"- in other words, we "plate" our anode with the medals were extracting. This is way 1 of 2- the other one involves just using chemicals. We will probably experiment with both of them.

I'll keep you guys posted.

(To long, I know. But understand this: I cut out three things or so from this blog to make it shorter. No, seriously).

Topics topics everywhere, but not a drop to post?

So I didn't expect this happening...

Right now I have three really good things to blog about. I want to do them all justice, but alas, I am a lazy butt.

First of all let me apologize in advance to Anders and anyone else who is still part of the dial-up sufferage- there is alot of pictures here. Here is a tidbit of each of them, and because, as I have mentioned before, I am a lazy butt, this may be all you get. Dissapointed? Well then, beg for more.

Ok, foist of all.... I had aLLLOOT of fun fixing my friends computer...


Yeah... thats on MY computer.... The malware was amazingly agile. Mind you, I had TWO antivirus programs on the computer to stop them from even getting that far in the first place.
This story I suppose would be called "The computer from Hell" or "Galen's Bane" or maybe something like "#@#$%#&$ VIRUSES!" if it had a title. The story it amazing, even though I won in the end... albiet a bit battered, but I won none the less. I have to write this one up later, even if it is just for my own theriputic reasons...

Other good story is of my brothers creation:



This is Little Man's "Flying Rocket-sled-ship". Quite a mouthful, but it well deserves its title. This thing has it all- Shields, machine guns, lazers, redundant gas tanks (and gas tank bombs). My brother's brain has the most amazing blend of imagination and engineering. The best feature of this aircraft is probably its aerodynamic design- no, really. My brother explained to me all about the airflow and how it worked- I think he even taught me some things I didn't know about lift. I'll tell 'em to you later, if I get a chance, as well as give you an entire description of its features and which bricks do which.

Well its hard to top that, but this is something I'm kinda proud of:


My new case! (Thanks Mr. Deer!)

I got that thing wired up last night... though one of the Front usb ports I messed up on.

Oi, so ends my oversized post. If you guys want any more of these stories, either pay me one low monthly rate of $14.95 for the extra content plus a Uttereast.blogspot.com mug, or show me some love in the comments.

----Me.

Hobo boots and humanity.

Check out this sweet deal:I call them my hobo shoes, and they rock my socks like it was their job. Which, I guess, technically, it is...

These are rare find for me you see- My feet are so ridiculously wide that I generally have to speacial order them- haven't bought shoes in a store probably since I was 10 or so. But here these shoes were- just sitting on a rack in Goodwill, waiting for me to come and claim them in all of their awesomeness. There wicked tough, espeacially for something that is used. I think there sides are made of leather. I dunno, but if I had to hop a train I'd say that at least my footwear would look authentic.

Ok, on to other matters.

Today I have been simultaniously in awe and in disgust of humanity. I read all about how we irradicated disseases and I took in many works of art- great marks of our achivement. But then I have also seen depravity seemingly incarnated in people. Jerks- men with such obviously low ambitions and methods. People that litterally disgust me. *sigh*But we are all of the same stock.

Welcome to humanity. Welcome to sin and to cities that don't sleep. Welcome to the good neigbor and the sex offender. Welcome to a human nature- seemingly good intentions, yet wicked to the core. And its in us. Good times!

So I just re-wrote the above paragraph about 4 times because I suddenly had a whole bunch of poetic inspiration. I think perhaps next time I will post a poem worked out on that concept, but for now I must turn in... I have an audition to try out for tomarrow!