Okay, so now I have guilt. I felt a little stupid putting in that plea for comments, much for the same reasons that everyone so rightly threw it back in my face: Write it and they will come. Returning to a site that doesn't update is boring. So, my apologies- BUT! It worked. I didn't have to analyze the logs to figure out who was hanging around. So my plan worked, even if it was pretty stupid.
Alright now- on to the second story. And since you all have been so good to me, I shall deliver it in rhyming verse.
Once upon an interstate
Once upon a time there was a boy named Zed
Who was given a truck not at all very red
This truck came to him as if heaven-sent manna
But was oddly colored as if a banana
One morn our hero rushed off like a riot
His engine roar breaking the still morning quiet
He had to get to a parking lot and get there fast
To pick up his friend, so he wailed on the gas
His friend would be waiting for Zed to come
To help work for Zed's client and not be a bum
And help Zed he would, but not quit on time
And not even as planned on Zed's Gasoline dime!
This fateful morning on interstate 93
The one thing all drivers hate happened, you see
"What could that be?" you beg as you ask
Well tell you I will, for that is my task-
To tell you the tale of what happened so fast
When poor boy Zed pressed down on the gas.
The truck shuddered and sputtered,
It whined and it cried
And some swear it muttered
"I wish Zed had already died"
Long story short, Zed pulled over his truck
Tried to start it again, but no luck- it was stuck
He called and got help from Anders mother so Kind
He called the client, and they did not even mind!
Zed had the truck towed to a lot then went on with his day
To later drop in on the shop, to talk and to pay
"So there he is" the mechanic said in a jest
"Do you think its the tranny?" Zed asked, not suspecting the best
"I think its something simple, not something big for the most...
I don't think its serious. I don't think that its toast."
When this beam of light landed on zed, he had a new hope
That he would not have to drop 2 grand for a used truck like a dope.
At any event they were just starting to close for the day,
So Zed's was told to call him tomorrow and they'd figure the pay
The next morning Zed dialed the number and waited with out-held hope
Only to hear the mechanic laugh out what happend-
"You ran out of fuel, you dope!
-_----_-_-
True story.* In my defense, I was calculating my fuel consumption off the tripometer (the fuel gauge broke some months ago). By my calculations, I had 30 to 40 miles left. Thats why the thought of running out of gas hadn't even crossed my mind. I did run it in 4 wheel drive a bit during one of the snow storms, but I didn't think that would throw off my calcs that far.
I think its because my fuel tanks leaks fuel when you fill it up all the way. Yup- I started paying more attention and found out it drips gas if you fill it all the way. So I've started refueling it in smaller doses and more often...so far, it seems to be working.
But just in case, I now always carry about 3 gallons of gas with me in the truck. Never again I say!
------------
*Sort of. The events are mostly true, but not quite verbatim. For example, Zed's mechanic does not actually call customers "dopes", and cool as he is, he does not talk in rhyme.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Automotive woes, part the first
Greetings to my continually declining readership!
Let me just get this out of the way: Normally I'm not a very a paranoid guy. That being said, I do believe there is a conspiracy against me. No, its not the usual suspects- CIA, FBI, or as that guy from Heroes says "Any organization made up of letters". Its not aliens, don't be silly. Its automobiles. Specifically, the vehicles I drive are trying to kill me. Yes- it seems that as of late my car and truck are plotting my demise.
It started a week ago, during the beginning of the great April snow storm. I had just got out of work. It was my first time driving the little Camry in the inclement weather- so even though the snow didn't look like it was going to accumulate to much, I decided to pop into a parking lot or two to see how it felt to loose traction in it since it was still pretty slushy out.
I've driven a front wheel drive mini-van and Volvo in weather like this before, but even though this is front wheel drive it felt pretty different. Instead of sliding into the direction I turned, it slid forward. Ergo, if I turned left and was slipping in a rear wheel drive I would swing the whole car left, where as in this one if I turned left and was slipping I'd just keep going straight.
I experimented with locking the back wheels with the hand brake, which would kick my back end out and move the slide in the direction I wanted to go. This worked out pretty well in the tight little corner scenarios I created in the parking lots. Then I moved back out into the open road. It was all down hill from there...well, I mean, it wasn't down hill all the way, but... --ehh, just- *sigh* figuratively okay! Cut me some break. Or give me a slack. You know what I mean.
It started out alright. I even got on and off the interstate without incident. Believe it or not, from what I could see I didn't even expect to see any snow the next morning. It was just slush-nothing really accumulating at all. This is the frame of mind you must have as you follow me through this story- "Or nothing you hear after this point will seem wondrous."
I was driving down 111, listening to Imogen Heap when the real trouble began. I was going a bit shy of the speed limit, which was 40. One moment, I noticed the vehicle riding up and sliding ever so slightly off to the left. I added a very small control adjustment ever so softly to steer the vehicle back on course, and...nothing.
The next moment, I realized that I wasn't turning left, I was spinning left. I was spinning down 111 at about 35 mph. At this point, I realized that it was as if someone had just found a big "traction for the car" switched and flipped it off. There was no point in trying to enter a correction, especially since at this point I was in a pretty delicate situation, and any false move could have very, very bad effects.
The front end was now pointed directly at the barrier rails on the other side of the street. I watched them pass me sideways with fascination. I held on to the steering wheel tensely, but did not move it. Then I felt the force of the car going across the road sideways meet up with resistance of the road and start to lean the body down.
"Is this car going to roll?" I thought indignantly.
"No way...this car is too low center to the ground...why is it going to roll?" my mind asked as I instinctively huddled a bit lower, in an attempt to either lower my center of gravity, or brace for impact- I don't really know which.
But the vehicle kept rotating until it was almost completely 180 degrees the other way. I'd say, 174 degrees, at which point, like magic, the tires suddenly found traction and pulled the vehicle to a stop. I heard something change in the engine noise and as I looked down the first thing I thought was "Stupid, you left the clutch in 4th gear! Now you've stalled it!" Then I looked up from the dash and realized I was facing the wrong way on a divided highway. Luckily, the only car coming at me was a good ways off, just cresting a hill. As calmly as I could muster, I put the clutch in, started it up, backed it up to turn it around, then was off- albeit a bit slower then before.
The whole thing probably took less then 10 seconds.
As I drove away, My first thought was "Wow, thank you Lord."
My second thought was "Dude, I'm so blogging this."
Our hero has survived the first round of automotive assault, but can he best the next, or will he be headed for the scrapyard? Tune in next week* to find out, in...AUTOMOTIVE WOES, PART THE SECOND!
By next week, I mean after I have a suitable number of comments to restore my ego which hath so freshly been brusied by the declining readership of this blog.
Let me just get this out of the way: Normally I'm not a very a paranoid guy. That being said, I do believe there is a conspiracy against me. No, its not the usual suspects- CIA, FBI, or as that guy from Heroes says "Any organization made up of letters". Its not aliens, don't be silly. Its automobiles. Specifically, the vehicles I drive are trying to kill me. Yes- it seems that as of late my car and truck are plotting my demise.
It started a week ago, during the beginning of the great April snow storm. I had just got out of work. It was my first time driving the little Camry in the inclement weather- so even though the snow didn't look like it was going to accumulate to much, I decided to pop into a parking lot or two to see how it felt to loose traction in it since it was still pretty slushy out.
I've driven a front wheel drive mini-van and Volvo in weather like this before, but even though this is front wheel drive it felt pretty different. Instead of sliding into the direction I turned, it slid forward. Ergo, if I turned left and was slipping in a rear wheel drive I would swing the whole car left, where as in this one if I turned left and was slipping I'd just keep going straight.
I experimented with locking the back wheels with the hand brake, which would kick my back end out and move the slide in the direction I wanted to go. This worked out pretty well in the tight little corner scenarios I created in the parking lots. Then I moved back out into the open road. It was all down hill from there...well, I mean, it wasn't down hill all the way, but... --ehh, just- *sigh* figuratively okay! Cut me some break. Or give me a slack. You know what I mean.
It started out alright. I even got on and off the interstate without incident. Believe it or not, from what I could see I didn't even expect to see any snow the next morning. It was just slush-nothing really accumulating at all. This is the frame of mind you must have as you follow me through this story- "Or nothing you hear after this point will seem wondrous."
I was driving down 111, listening to Imogen Heap when the real trouble began. I was going a bit shy of the speed limit, which was 40. One moment, I noticed the vehicle riding up and sliding ever so slightly off to the left. I added a very small control adjustment ever so softly to steer the vehicle back on course, and...nothing.
The next moment, I realized that I wasn't turning left, I was spinning left. I was spinning down 111 at about 35 mph. At this point, I realized that it was as if someone had just found a big "traction for the car" switched and flipped it off. There was no point in trying to enter a correction, especially since at this point I was in a pretty delicate situation, and any false move could have very, very bad effects.
The front end was now pointed directly at the barrier rails on the other side of the street. I watched them pass me sideways with fascination. I held on to the steering wheel tensely, but did not move it. Then I felt the force of the car going across the road sideways meet up with resistance of the road and start to lean the body down.
"Is this car going to roll?" I thought indignantly.
"No way...this car is too low center to the ground...why is it going to roll?" my mind asked as I instinctively huddled a bit lower, in an attempt to either lower my center of gravity, or brace for impact- I don't really know which.
But the vehicle kept rotating until it was almost completely 180 degrees the other way. I'd say, 174 degrees, at which point, like magic, the tires suddenly found traction and pulled the vehicle to a stop. I heard something change in the engine noise and as I looked down the first thing I thought was "Stupid, you left the clutch in 4th gear! Now you've stalled it!" Then I looked up from the dash and realized I was facing the wrong way on a divided highway. Luckily, the only car coming at me was a good ways off, just cresting a hill. As calmly as I could muster, I put the clutch in, started it up, backed it up to turn it around, then was off- albeit a bit slower then before.
The whole thing probably took less then 10 seconds.
As I drove away, My first thought was "Wow, thank you Lord."
My second thought was "Dude, I'm so blogging this."
Our hero has survived the first round of automotive assault, but can he best the next, or will he be headed for the scrapyard? Tune in next week* to find out, in...AUTOMOTIVE WOES, PART THE SECOND!
By next week, I mean after I have a suitable number of comments to restore my ego which hath so freshly been brusied by the declining readership of this blog.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
One liners of wit or wisdom, but probably neither
This is a jumbled up, to-much-weirdness-swirling-around-after-to-many-days-of-running-ragged sort of post.
---_---
Maybe you've heard the song "Everyone's Beautiful." Well, I get what he's driving at, but I think I have to make qualifications on this.
A) MOST people are beautiful. I truly believe this as basically everyone I know is beautiful, to some degree if not an extreme one. I don't care what you look like, you have to be pretty messed up to not have at least a trace of beauty in you. It probably comes from the Divine family resemblance.
B) That being said, even to such undiscerning tastes, some people I think can truly be evil at their core, whether it be reflected in their facial features or not.
So, to restate it I suppose it would go "Most people are beautiful. And some are quite pretty, too." Hmm... I see why the great band water deep didn't go this route though... not nearly as good a line to build a song around.
^-*Frustrated exhaling of wind from the esophagus* I don't think I conveyed quite what I was trying to say here.
---_---
I want to be near a hail storm once, if not just so I could go out, pick a hail stone up and announce to everyone that this is a piece of war. "War?" they ask, "Why yes," I'd reply, "Haven't you heard? War is hail."
Actually I bet their are alot of jokes just waiting to happen after a hail storm. It would seem to me that frozen water is a comic gold mine.
_-_----
Google is sometimes just as geographically challenged as me. We make a horrible team.
_--_-
I'm a bit concered for Brad when I heard he was going to Norwhich univerity. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the name an abrieviation for "Nordic Witch Univeristy"? Brad, what are you doing getting mixed up with those Viking wiccans?!
--_-_
Me, upon trying the new Cheesy Angus Bacon Burger: "My name is Zeke Gable, and I approve this burger."
-_---
Its Palm Sunday- *high five*
(...get it?)
_-_-
I feel my fortune is double edged. On the one hand I am surrounded by beauty. But on the other, I feel I am forced to only look at it from a far. I am so afraid of spoiling it, or perhaps of what others think of me if I tread upon it, that I dare not enjoy but a fleeting shallow interaction.
I suppose it doesn't help that I've once carelessly destroyed a prized garden. And I had been so careful up until then. But one destruction as such, one defeat via the enemy through me, and I'm out. I find it safer. I find it more prudent. I find it unbearably difficult as well.
_-__--
Is it possible to call in well? Like, my sister has to work all day Saturday. Thats a drag, but you see she's not sick. Can't she just call in and say "Hey sorry I have to call in well. Saturday is a going to be really nice and I'm going to be too well to come in. "
^This one was alot funnier before I wrote it down.
--_-_--
If you have elder-berry echinacia tea, I think its Biblical to respect it. I don't really know how far the whole "elder" thing goes, but I figure I'll be on the safe side.
_-_--
Okay, so that was a meaningless just sort of ramble on the keyboard post. Don't mind the overdue teenage angst, I'll be better after some sleep. I just wanted an outlet.
---_---
Maybe you've heard the song "Everyone's Beautiful." Well, I get what he's driving at, but I think I have to make qualifications on this.
A) MOST people are beautiful. I truly believe this as basically everyone I know is beautiful, to some degree if not an extreme one. I don't care what you look like, you have to be pretty messed up to not have at least a trace of beauty in you. It probably comes from the Divine family resemblance.
B) That being said, even to such undiscerning tastes, some people I think can truly be evil at their core, whether it be reflected in their facial features or not.
So, to restate it I suppose it would go "Most people are beautiful. And some are quite pretty, too." Hmm... I see why the great band water deep didn't go this route though... not nearly as good a line to build a song around.
^-*Frustrated exhaling of wind from the esophagus* I don't think I conveyed quite what I was trying to say here.
---_---
I want to be near a hail storm once, if not just so I could go out, pick a hail stone up and announce to everyone that this is a piece of war. "War?" they ask, "Why yes," I'd reply, "Haven't you heard? War is hail."
Actually I bet their are alot of jokes just waiting to happen after a hail storm. It would seem to me that frozen water is a comic gold mine.
_-_----
Google is sometimes just as geographically challenged as me. We make a horrible team.
_--_-
I'm a bit concered for Brad when I heard he was going to Norwhich univerity. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the name an abrieviation for "Nordic Witch Univeristy"? Brad, what are you doing getting mixed up with those Viking wiccans?!
--_-_
Me, upon trying the new Cheesy Angus Bacon Burger: "My name is Zeke Gable, and I approve this burger."
-_---
Its Palm Sunday- *high five*
(...get it?)
_-_-
I feel my fortune is double edged. On the one hand I am surrounded by beauty. But on the other, I feel I am forced to only look at it from a far. I am so afraid of spoiling it, or perhaps of what others think of me if I tread upon it, that I dare not enjoy but a fleeting shallow interaction.
I suppose it doesn't help that I've once carelessly destroyed a prized garden. And I had been so careful up until then. But one destruction as such, one defeat via the enemy through me, and I'm out. I find it safer. I find it more prudent. I find it unbearably difficult as well.
_-__--
Is it possible to call in well? Like, my sister has to work all day Saturday. Thats a drag, but you see she's not sick. Can't she just call in and say "Hey sorry I have to call in well. Saturday is a going to be really nice and I'm going to be too well to come in. "
^This one was alot funnier before I wrote it down.
--_-_--
If you have elder-berry echinacia tea, I think its Biblical to respect it. I don't really know how far the whole "elder" thing goes, but I figure I'll be on the safe side.
_-_--
Okay, so that was a meaningless just sort of ramble on the keyboard post. Don't mind the overdue teenage angst, I'll be better after some sleep. I just wanted an outlet.
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