Recent thoughts that have passed through my head

I'm overdue for an adventure.

I'm not really sure much of anything these days.

How come humans are so complicated?

I wish I had someone to share this with.

This would be so much greater if I could share this with Her.

How do you find out?

How do you know you've found it?

How do you learn from your mistakes when your so concerned that you'll give some one a bad example that you never make any mistakes?

Beautiful things enrapture and torture me.

How come I am so special?

I don't want to be a role model. Its to much to bear.

If I ask for a hug, would I get an inquisition?

How do you know you've found her? How do you know you're right?

I really wish I was allowed to love right now.

Can you live your own life if you constantly are paranoid when you cross any one elses?

Beauty that is always passing you is one of life's mockeries.

I plan things for one reason, but my reaction to details and roster changes betrays hints of my ulterior motives. If they are mine, why can't they just be clear?

Is taking a chance never okay if it involves possible harm to another person?

Why am I so lazy?

Would a hug kill her?

Why can't I do what I want to do?

Is a high salary merely a good to trap you from the best?

If I'm not getting better, am I falling back?

Painfully beautiful.

I can't even quite render what it is that has me so upset. And that makes me frustrated and sad. How can I figure out a problem when I don't know what the problem is?

Whats the big flipping deal about geography?

Is it wrong if cultures merge? Is preservation a good idea in the long run, or should we not even bother?

Why do I suddenly want to share my life?

Is culture really valuable?

What am I doing wrong?

How come I suddenly want to move?

How much damage have I done?

Will she ever be totally healed?

Will I ever be better?

What did they take out in Wanderer's surgery? Is it in remission? Was it even a problem?

How come everyone is so uptight?

How come so exclusive? This doesn't make sense.

Why can't everyone chill out and let adventure and life happen?

How much of the church is right?

Who in the church is genuine?

How come healing is so spotty?

Age is a thorn in the side. 4 years now is a legal weapon. 6 years later does not even raise an eyebrow.

How come emotions are so fickle?

Is it wrong to want companionship?

The one thing good to be said about not knowing your intentions, is that if someone asks you what they are you don't have to lie about them.

How come most of my good friends are so much younger?

How does one expand their social circle with out barging in on a new one?

If your relations run wide do they tend to run shallow?

Age is rubbish at measuring most qualities other then age.

Am I being a selfish brat?

----

Sorry guys, this is a very lousy post and I think most of you will have to admit that. I just needed a sounding board to dump stuff on, and it didn't even work that well (which is why I believe it is a bad post). But I figured an update is an update and ergo I post.

Ouch.

Preface

I was going to post an amazing poem and sort of deep ramblings type post next. I had some stuff I've been knocking about in my head for a spell that I had until very recently not been able to render in any discernible form. These were the things that my next post would be about.

But then someone seemed to almost take offense that I posted about a car (or any possession for that matter- the thought!) and seemed to suggest that non-material things would be much more flattering on this blog.

Dude, this blog is me. It's post processed for a number of reasons, sure- but its me. If I get a car, am I not to be happy about that? If I make a good deal with someone, am I to wipe that smile off my face and put on sackcloth and ashes? We live in a world of things material. To not find joy in them would be folly in my opinion. To make them the source of our joy or to buy them hoping they will provide our joy- that is folly was well. I strive to be like Paul- being content with plenty and being content with little.

Strangely, before purchasing the car (and I'll admit, a little bit after it) I had this weird "car guilt" complex. Because it was fun and really cool. No, I didn't spend to much for it. No, it wasn't useless. No, I am not getting this car to attract attention to myself and no I am not getting this car as a status symbol (its 17 years old for Pete's sake!). So why would I feel guilty? There is no reason to make a purchase, and then instead of enjoying it, turn around and wallow in remorse.

..Wait, what the heck? This was supposed to be a shallow "look what I dun wit my here toys, yeahaw!" type posts. Huh... Oh well... I'll just work my point into the story.

Once upon a time...
Now that I have a car that I can commute with (both for [AwesomeCo] and my own meetings), I am less concerned about the trucks quirks, even if they prove fatal. Even if Big Yellow went down, it won't affect my ability to get places. This allows me the freedom to use my truck in a very stupid, fun recreational sort of way... going over trails and through woods, even if Grandmas house isn't on the other end.


I found some power line trails pretty close to us that Brandon and I spent an hour or so with one day. It was pretty fun, but we couldn't go to far on it. Then the other day Brandon told me about some trails over by his work. When our schedules finally matched up, we loaded into the truck and got going.

As it was my truck, I was first. I drove up the trail slowly until I got to a certain point where we parked to get out and survey the road ahead. Mum had warned me to not get stuck and we took the advice to heart- anywhere the terrain looked iffy, we walked through testing the firmness and plotting out how we would steer to avoid this rock here, or that boulder there. We mapped ahead till we found a place we could turn around the truck in- that way we would have the option of going further, but at least we knew we could get back.

I started at the top of a hill, which we went a little ways down in a crazy crossing back and forth manner at first, but after that the path wasn't very hilly- just curvy. Speed isn't the thing in offroading (at least its not the only thing)- you want to be in control and the fun appeal is more in conquering the terrain and going the limits of your vehicle mechanically rather then going as fast as possible. That being said, when we came to the mud stretches, we needed enough speed to make it to the other side. I took the first one- pulled to the right a little over the track to dodge rock number one, cutting it hard to the left for a second to avoid rock two, then straighten out to make it to the other side. I was just about to come to a muddy and futile stop- Brandon was saying "Don't get stuck, don't get stuck...." and I was replying "I know I know, almost out..." We were loosing speed, but just before we would have come to a stand still my front wheels grabbed solid land and pulled me out. Perfect.

After that I the ground rose a couple of feet and curved around again to present a second muddy area. This one was not so tricky as it was a much clearer shot and I basically just powered through it. So far, so good.

We came to the little area where we could turn around and parked the truck. Hopping out, we ran up the trail a bit and saw another mud pit- this one much worse. "I dunno..." we said. We wanted to drive further, so we followed the trail up a bit more by foot to come to a small wetland area complete with frogs resting in a shallow lake. "Okay, not going to work..." we said and turned back. After investigating a fork in the trail that also lead to disaster, we headed back to the truck. "Your turn Dude!" I told Brandon as a handed him the keys. He got in, adjusted the seat and all that, then we were off.

He deffinatly didn't want to get stuck. The first mud pile he powered through a little faster then I did and got over with no problems at all. Now we wound our way down and around to the second one. Coming back to this mud area from the other direction meant we didn't have any straight lead up to it like the last time. It was just sort of there, and our front wheels were almost in it . He laid the gas down heavy.

Too heavy, IMHO. We were bucking like bull riders, and when your front wheels are in the air steering is much less effective. Long story short, we hit a rock or two. Hard. From the air.

(...okay thats a bit over dramatizing it I guess. What I mean is that I my front wheels went up and then slammed down on a rock I think).

We heard an awful scraping sound, drowned out only by the noise of the engine and Brandon's perfuse apologies. We figured there was some damages- but at this point we weren't out of the mud yet so we were committed. He pressed on till we were out of the mud pit. He threw it into park and we got out of the vehicle to see what happened.

Immediately I started to look around for something that had come off of the truck. I don't have a skid plate and it really sounded like I hit something on the undercarriage. But after looking behind us on the track for awhile and around the vehicle we didn't find anything laying about. We got back in and started to roll out some more. As we started to drive, suddenly I heard a weird sound-

"ka-thump....ka-thump....ka-thump"

Again we stopped the truck, and again I jumped out. This time, I saw the problem. The right front tire was flat, and a little bit off the rim. "Oh man, I popped the tire off the rim..." Brandon observed. Oh well- I had a spare, no big deal. I dug into the back of my truck and fetched out the tire-iron, then the jack- oh wait no! I don't have a jack. Shoot.

This proved to be a problem. For a while we tried to figure out how to drive it into some terrain that would lift the wheel off the ground for easier access, but after that failed we surveyed the terrain ahead of us and decided to drive it up and out onto the road (I drove this time). We got it there and pulled it to the side, flashers on. Then we proceeded to go door to door asking for a jack.


Two no-one homes later and one "don't have one" later, we called in the infantry- that'd be...that'd be my mom. We called my mom, who found the floor jack and brought it over to us.

But before that happend, a cop came and...well I guess he couldn't really pull us over since we already were, but he pulled over, and did the whole "guilty till proven innocent" thing. I was all smiles with him, having a good time but boy was he nervous.

"Whatcha got here?"
"Just a flat."
"Where were you?" (Clearly a rhetorical question since the trails were to the right and my muddy tracks to the road were right in front of him.)
"Over there on the trails..."
"What were you doing?"
"We were just going around on the trails."
"WE? Who's 'WE'?"
"Me and my friend."
"Wheres your friend?"
"He's just over the hill...hes taking a break"
"He's what?"
"Just takingabreak..."
"What he doing?"
"He's taking a leak Officer."
"Can I see some I.D.?"
"Sure..." (pull out my wallet, give him the ID then put my wallet and hands back in my pocket)
"Sir please remove you hands from your pockets!!"
"Oh, okay right..."

It continued. We got back to the topic of what I was doing.

"Supposed to be there?" (Strangely worded...its not like that was our calling, but...)
"Yes officer- or I mean, we aren't not supposed to be over there."
"Is that so?"
(trying not to take the confrontational bate)
"Yes Officer I believe so-"
"That your land?"
"No sir, but its public access."
"Is it?"
"...yes officer- I mean, I am not trying to contradict you sir but I am fairly sure it is. Is it not?"
"Its the power companies property"
"Yeah, but its public has public easement, doesn't it?"

I could tell he didn't know this, but he was really nervous about it. It was almost like he wanted us to let on to what was legal or not. It wasn't really going to work since apparently we didn't know anything he didn't either way. About that time Brandon came back from the hill and joined the fun. Asked him what we were doing, he told 'em we were mudding, officer asked for ID, etc.

When he turned to go to the cop car and we took a step forward while we asked if he had a jack he got scared again (though this time I suppose I can understand it)- "Please do not approach the vehicle!!! Please step back and remain by the truck!!"

Phew... I tried and tried through smiling and making small jokes to get this guy to laugh but the most he did was crack a "you stupid youth" sort of smile. I guess thats something. We didn't get written up for anything after he found out that there were no warrants for our arrest, so thats cool. He did tell us not to go on those trails because they were the private property of the power company. He wouldn't tell us anywhere we could go, just that we should take it up with our towns.



After he left and we were waiting for the floor jack to arrive, the person who didn't have a jack for us came back out. "I'm really sorry, I feel kind of stupid I have 4 cars and not one that will fit yours... did you guys get someone?" We told him we had- he was really nice. Hung around while we changed the tire and even let us use his pliers. While we worked we told him about what the cop told us about it being the power companies property."

"Nah, that all back there is MY property, actually."

Oh, huh... go figure. I suppose if we ever had the urge to go back to that trail we could ask him for permission then... not that this will happen. This kind of maintenance is not really in my budget (when we got the wheel off, we found out that the rim was bent. Yay us).

Moral
Okay, so I said I'd tie this story in with the point of my preface. This at least won't take long- I just wanted to say that I didn't really care that Brandon busted up my wheel. Its material. We are all safe, its an accident, I've broken things before. I don't want to be the type that freak out when something of mine breaks, even if it cost me something. Its just not worth getting upset about it. I'm sure he feels worse then I do as it is anyway- I know I would and I don't want to make things worse.

Thats how I want to enjoy material things- they come, you can enjoy them, but when they go (I'm Not to say my truck is dead- I drove it home and everything) , just don't worry about it. Its just things. I want to be able to do that with everything, especially when I have a family. "Oh, you drove my car through the garage junior? Well just next time don't drive until your over the age of 10." "What, you burnt the clutch out Susan? No honey, don't worry about it I did the same thing with my dads."

The world is made up of things. Enjoy them. But don't rely on them- after all they are just things.