Best. Gift. EVER.

"Honey, get up if you want to eat. Breakfast is on the table."

That was the first thing I heard Saturday morning. I was trying to sleep in...For a weekday, perhaps I had done a halfway decent job. But for a Saturday? Failure. It was only 8:40. I rolled over in my bed, working up my self to getting up. I was still zonked out from the night before- I had been up till 2 working on Kiaya's gift. Today was her birthday, and true to my form, I hadn't finished it till the very last hour.

After getting dressed I trolled over to the breakfast table. Somewhere behind me Moriah is asking someone where Joy is. Must still be in bed. Lucky.

As I pour my cup of coffee, the smell of fresh off the skillet apple pancakes and cinnamon fill the air. Maybe waking up wasn't such a bad idea after all I think to myself as I finish fixing my coffee and take a sip. I think Kiaya is supposed to call me today, too. I still don't know when her party is. Maybe its a good thing her party isn't till later in the day... should at least give me more time to wrap everything up.

On my chair is a shopping bag filled with duct tape of many bright colors. It was to be part of Kiaya's gift. I pick it up to move it into the living room, noting to myself that one of the girls must have dropped an envelope into it, because I know I didn't put it there. But it doesn't matter. All that matters right now is drinking my wake up juice and biting into a wonderful warm homemade apple pancake with butter and cinnamon sugar.

It isn't long until just about everyone is at the table eating breakfast. Everyone except Abs, who is at work, and Joy who Moriah keeps complaining about. I feel sympathetic for the sleepy, and don't engage Moriahs observation. Instead I steer the conversation to the tickets I had to purchase online from less then orthodox sources the night before. Everyone is moderatly impressed with the story. I'm starting my second hot cake.

"Hey Zeke, what was that bag on your chair? Was that... duct tape?" my mom asks.

"Yeah... its part of Kiaya's gift. She asked for Duct Tape...in technicolor!"

My mom grabs the bag and takes a look. "WOW! Thats so neat. I don't think I've ever seen them in neon like this!"

"Mom has anyone seen Joy this morning?" Moriah chimes in once again.

"I don't think so." mom replies off hand, looking at the duct tape.

"Yeah, its pretty cool. They make it in all sorts of colors... I had to choose between pink and purple. There were a lot, actually. Pretty -"

"What's this?" mom interrupts, taking out the envelope.

"Oh I don't know. Noticed it when I moved the bag, maybe one of the girls. Hey Mo, you know anything about that?"

Mom looks at it curiously. I take another sip of coffee. I'm probably still only about a quarter awake at this point. "Its addressed to the family of Joy. Anyone know who this is from...?"

"Nah..." I casually remark as I dig my fork into the pancake. To much cinnamon... its almost dry. Or no- to little butter? Mom opens up the note and places it on the table between us as she reads...

"Roses are red and violets are blue,
Your joy has been kidnapped- boohoo hoo hoo!"

Whoa, a note in rhyme. What is this? I look up and see a note, in cut and paste font complete with ripped edges. My mom continues reading it.


I looked up at the note and started laughing. This is awesome. So THATS what was going on! I think to myself. Thats why I hadn't been told the time of the party. Kiaya had a trick up her sleeve. All this time I had set aside Saturday for her party, and here she was doing something for me too... probably because of my birthday a few weeks ago. Nice! But at this point, I'm still only 1/3 awake. I laugh again.

Uhh...I start to forumlate a plan. While I eat my pancake.

"Zeke! Joy is kidnapped, how can you eat?!?" my mom cries out in semi convincing dismay. "Well mom, " I laugh between bites "she's not getting any losster..."

But I finish my pancake quickly, then run down stairs to get directions to the street that the note mentioned and get some shoes on. Mom suggests I take dad's car since it has more then 2 seats- and I was already taking Mo as my navigator/moral support/sidekick. I hadn't charged my phone over night, so I brought my wall charger and an inverter so I could use it in the car. Moriah brought my DV cam. We loaded up and while Mo was getting situated I sent a little text-o-gram to my number one suspect:

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
I know your behind this

And I'm coming for you."

I showed it to Moriah and she smirked. "You think its her?" she asked as I pulled out as fast as the little Camry could go. Kiaya texted back "Happy birthday." Short, unapologetic yet not admitting anything directly, it was the perfect response. I laughed and showed it to my sister. By this time I was starting to get into the act, and when I came to intersection up ahead that was held up at a light, I announced that "I don't have time for this, my sister is missing!" and jetted onto a side road I knew as a shortcut. I enjoyed Moriah's nervous reactions.

It just so happens that the place I was going was very close to where I work, so I knew most of the terrain pretty well. I found the spot surprisingly quick. After pulling up, I nervously got out. I was supposed to ask for Mike.

As I got in I recognized the man at the counter. It was Kiaya's step dad, Mike. Still, I tried to enter in character. "I'm looking for a MIKE... " He laughed and from his desk provided another small envelope. I took it and walked out the door as I opened the package. It had a flyer and a ransom note demanding a 3 for 3 soda deal. I was to buy it where my sister worked. Interesting.

Instinctively I reached for my pocket to check for my wallet. It wasn't there. Ohh.... I thought to myself. Luckily, my house was on the way to the store anyway. I drove there cautiously, picked up my wallet and fled. I had a ransom to pick up.

I ran in, trying not to let Abi see me as I entered. I started to look around at some aisles aimlessly then laughed at myself. "Moriah-" I said, handing over the flyer "LOCATE!" she chuckled and we eventually found the soda aisle. We got everything we needed, so I went to Abi's lane to check out.

"What are you doing here? You know I can't serve you in my aisle."
I knew that was true, but I figured she had to give me the next clue. So I gave her a kinda "I know what your doing" look and stood there a second. I started to put the stuff on the conveyor belt.

"No, I'm serious!" she replied, putting her hands out to block me. I looked at her kind of confused. I didn't expect this. I was loosing face. "Do you, uhh...have something for me?"

She looked at me weird. "No. Now get out of my aisle."

I looked at Moriah strangely as I retreated. "Where am I supposed to get the next clue?" She said she didn't know, so I decided to go back to the shelf and check under each bottle of soda and behind the cards that had the price on them. Nothing. I texted Kiaya in ryhme to let her know that I hadn't found the third clue. Moriah suggested that it must not be in the store. I began to head for the door. Right before I got outside, my phone rang. "Talk to me." I answered in the best gruff detective voice I could muster. Kiaya was laughing on the other end. Banter flew back and forth, and somewhere in there she informed me to check my windshield. I ran to my car and saw a note.

SHE WAS JUST HERE! "Moriah, look around! They might still be here!!" I said while I covered up the microphone piece. I opened up the note. Two pieces of paper and... "OOH! a donut!" I exclaimed while I grabbed the little bite sized piece of heaven from the envelope. A piece of paper below the confection said "For missing your apple pancakes. Share it with Mo." But it was too late, I had already consumed the tasty morsel. Meanwhile, Kiaya had put a distraught Joy on the phone. She cried into the mic and told me how horrible it was. It was all quite pathetic, in a fun awesome kind of way. Kiaya came back on the line. She started to say something, but I knew at this point the dame was trying to pull on my heart strings- with all the crying Joy bit and such- and I wanted to send a message that I would not be manipulated. I hung up.

Yeah, probably wasn't the best idea. For some reason it seemed like a good idea at the time, like something a real cool character would do. And I was totally a real cool character.

Anyway, the next clue led us to Mac's apples. I assumed that this would be where I picked up Joy and we all had a grand little party- I mean, its the pefect place. Always the paranoid one, I drove up from the lesser used entrance, and slowly winded my way into the parking lot, looking all around for spys. I didn't see any. And when I did find the clue, it wasn't a "look behind you, happy birthday here we are" sort of clue. Inside was a clipping from a newspaper that had a walmart address and the following note:

I looked again at the clipping. Manchester! Holy crapes! This is truly a super game of massive geographical proportions! Thats when I realized how awesome this thing was. I have NEVER gotten to do anything like this. But I always wished I could. I dreamed up massive games that would spread the state, but I had never done anything close to it. And then suddenly, here I was calling home to verify an address on a piece of evidence where I would have to find the next clue under "satisfaction's sign" from a girl with "stars in her eyes". Unbelievable. This is the stuff dreams are made of.

Each stop I got more and more into it. When I went to the walmart, I cautiously started to walk towards the part of the sidewalk where I knew overhead was the word "satisfaction". I could see from a little ways off a young female figure, dressed in red. Is that joy? I thought to myself it can't be this easy... then I noticed two familiar faces out of the corner of my eye. My heart jumped. I grabbed Mo and pulled her back.

"Two guard right there- follow me comeonCOMEON!!" I darted into the store for a second then walked out behind another group. After I cleared my exit we bolted for the car. I took the car and drove it away from the entrance....dead end. I looked back. No one was there, so I crept back out into view of the sidewalk and quietly as I could snaked around the road to the far side of the parking lot. Looks like I'd have to sneak up to get her. After getting out and surveying the target, it became apparent that the girl on the bench was not joy. We wouldn't be able to perform a rush-in extraction after all. It was certainly our girl though- not only did I recognize her as Kelli, she was wearing glasses shaped like stars that were almost as BIG AS HER HEAD. I couldn't suppress my laughter when I got the pun, but I tried to stay in character. I darted around the nursery area, trying to not be seen. I didn't want to deal with Kiaya's security forces, you see. I just wanted to talk to her agent and get my sister back with as little drama as possible.

I tried approaching her with out laughing, but her glasses were ridiculous. I asked her for a clue. She looked up at me and said "I have a clue for you. But first you must get me a 6 pack of IBC root beer and a bag of plastic cups." I went in and quite nervously darted around the aisles, trying to locate the items. The search was made more pulse pounding by the distinct impression that we were being tailed- and for a good reason. The same security forces we had tried to out-maneuver outside kept showing up, just exiting our vision. It was intense stuff. We weaved and double dodged them as best we could, but they had our number.

Eventually we got the goods and delivered it to the starry eyed girl. She handed me a peanut butter sandwich in a bag marked "Eat me" and told me to drive away. This was the cleverest of the notes I had seen yet- the clue was protected by a small plastic bag and placed between two layers of thick crunchy peanut butter. Getting it out was a hilarious mess. I looked at the note:


Now I was hiding my car and meeting someone on a bridge. DUDE. I stowed the car right between two others at the Sunoco, and made sure to lock it up. The mechanic guys we passed looked kinda tough, and a bit confused at my park-and-ditch. But they didn't talk to me, and I didn't make eye contact. If I looked like I belonged there, I shouldn't have any trouble. Feign confidence, I thought to myself. Thats my motto. And it worked- no questions.

As I got to the bridge, I could see a figure off in the distance. Oh my I thought to myself I think its the boss herself! Up to this point I had only made contact with her agents. Since market basket, I had felt like she was onestep behind me though, watching me always, masterminding my doom with an evil laugh. And now, here she was in person. I greeted her, trying to stay in character. I think when she asked me how I was, said "I have had had better days". During the whole conversation I was taking in the scene: A hundred feet or so above the water, standing with the mastermind of my sisters demise and quite possibly the greatest game I had ever played. I was looking around for my sister in the nearby foliage. I was also looking for snipers. I couldn't find anything. It was just Kiaya. Kiaya, and her envelope. The message in this one was a bit different. It had a riddle to solve and a number to call:


This one's pretty hard to read- basically it gave me directions to a church between Union and Pine. The last line was call when you know in which hand the lantern doth glow (I've blocked out the number to protect the guilty). Exciting stuff. I left her company and drove off for Pine street. I parked on Lowell like it suggested. I got out of my car and the second we closed our doors, the church bells started ringing. Moriah and I looked at each other with a "Whoa." kind of expression. The timing of the bell was perfectly eerie. We walked around- it was a big catholic church, with eerie and impressive architecture. But there were lanterns galore. We walked around the place 2 times before Moriah finally pointed out an unusual feature. Out of a certain area in the building, the arm of a statute jetted out and held onto a lantern. I gave a little jump when I saw it- it was somewhat freaky. But clearly, that was it. I looked at it for a second and the way it was holding the light, imitating its pose with my own body. "Left. Thats a left hand!" I called the number.

"Do you have the answer?" Chris's voice asked through the phone.
"Yes. It is the left hand."
"Correct. Your next clue is at the Palace theater. Walk there."
"Okay..umm..."
"*sigh* Its on the corner of Hanover and Elm...."
"Oh okay thanks! Got it...."

We walked over to the Palace to find Kiaya and Kelli waiting for us there. She informed us that we were waiting on someone who was running a bit late. It seemed closer to the end and I couldn't hold back my stupid grin anyway, so I broke character and gave her a big hug. It was a bit of a break in pace- Mo and I took a much needed bathroom break, and then we all hung out for a very short amount of time, chatting up how it had gone so far. Then my truck pulls up- with Abi in it.

Dunn dunn dun duunhh!! Of course she was involved in this too! Oh thats why she wanted to know how much gas was in the truck... all these thoughts went around in my brain at once and I laughed at how cool everyone had been to me. But it wasn't over. Kiaya handed me a business card and a map.

"Your looking for this person- Robin. She's at a quilting shop in hooksett. You need to go up to her and say the following phrase. "Hello, I'm clueless." She made me repeat the phrase exactly to her. Then she sent me off, while her and her posse dispersed to go get me into more trouble.

I got to that store eventually, and I got this final note:


What class. They had driven me right past the park that contained my sister on my way to get this clue! I rushed back to derryfield and parked as quietly as I could. I could see Joy, and she had her back turned to me. So did her guard. I ran up as quick as I could and attempted to free her from the grip of her captor. It took her guard quite by surprise, but so did it take her as well- she tried to hold on for dear life. We all laughed and had a good time. My attention was brought to the gazebo, where stood the plotters and most of the cast of the whole 6 hour game. Sister in arm, I walked down and greeted everybody.

From there we went and got pizza back in L-town, I driving the mastermind and former arch nemesis herself. We talked it up and discussed how it all went down and all the last minute incidents she was had to handle. It was all quite impressive. Then my brother even called, and attempted to vouch for his own humanity to her (she thinks he is a figment of our families imagination or a hologram) but she remains a critic yet.

As they ordered the pizza, I drove back home and pieced together my gift for Kiaya. Once I got back to our tailgate party (complete with ransom soda) I gave her my gift. Even though it was nothing so epic as I had been given, it was nice to have something up my sleep in return. The chilled Dark Peppermint Mocha frappacino was especially well received, and watching her smile at the note that I stayed up late writing certainly made it all worth it.

We parted ways just after 4:09- her exact birth minute, at which point there was much hollering and hugging and well wishing.

Thank you Abi and Kiaya and Kiaya's mom and EVERYONE who helped out with this amazing surprise- it really made me smile. It really was the best surprise anyone has ever given me, and the most fun I have had at a birthday in as long as I can remember.

Thank you!