Big changes subtly realized

Hi everyone, big life announcement-

I'm getting married.

No, no, I'm just kidding.... well I hope to eventually but I'm not any closer.

Okay, so seriously.

I'm moving to Arizon.

Okay, nah I'm just kidding there as well. I mean I won't rule it out. But I'm not going anywhere.

Okay.

I have a cell phone.

No, this one I'm serious about. What, not a big deal? Yeah, I get that. Check it- I'm edging towards 21 and I finally decided to get one. It is cool. Just...not very spectacular (this post is not a gadget post, but remind me sometime to tell you about this phone because it is pretty sweet).

Thats basically what this post is about. Not about the phone or even major life changes, but a life changed majorly, and when you look back at the things that caused it, you can't help but scratch your head and say "thats it? Thats what's caused all the difference?"

Perhaps the events really are major and I just adapt to change too quickly and too well. I hadn't thought of this until now- but that would make sense. I've sort of built up an indifference- immunity to change over time, (a "just roll with it" type of deal) and it has served me well for the most part. That could be it- maybe not. Either way though, growing up can be terribly anti-climatic.

For me, I've only noticed a major differences while realizing a major tug of war in my schedule. I have work 8 hours a day now, and I've been trying to start a business at the same time. I can be pretty busy. But on the other hand, my job has begot money, which has begot mobility, and when mobility is full grown, it gives birth to freedom. This is wonderful- it allows me not only to go to and from work, but also enables me to be more actively social (sort of). I can now visit my brother, meet clients, and get together with friends from Agape with out having to sync myself to the van schedule.

About that last part- friends. I feel like I am on a sparse middle ground between the professional world (or at least "real" world- the junk business isn't that pro...) and adolescent world- the safe sandlot world, where one can have fun and make mistakes with out worrying about how it will play out in the rest of your life. I say its sparse ground simply because I know not of many others that tread it- its not really difficult the way I walk it right now, but it is strange, I think, to others. I have friends ranging the ages and I still really have fun with them. I go to concerts, I hang out with people (though not as often as I'd like), I even got to visit the school yesterweek. But at the same time, I am watching the clock like an adult- I know their is no question as to me arriving at work when I say I will. I have a ball with my friends from Agape, I miss them! Nothing really has changed in the way I interact with them, but mentally I spot a difference.

I show it to you all now; mark it well. You can make mistakes now. You can work out human nature's drama in your social circles at this time. Its like a sandbox. Thats what its there for- you learn to work out who you are and even work out who you don't want to be. Yes, there are repercussions. You have the potential to get into a lot of trouble. But when your on the other side you'll see a difference, I think. What I mean to say is that for alot of people, adolescence is like the Vegas of life- what happens there can stay there. Except lessons learned can be carried through. Its really remarkable.

In the back of my mind I wonder if I went through the social mazes too well. I got by pretty well by playing it, at least as I saw it, smart. I avoided alot of mistakes I saw people make, or heard of them making. I would oft go against my natural instincts or desires in favor of better judgment.

*removes hand from keyboard and looks around nice office, and at dual screens, reflectively*
Well, maybe its not such a bad idea....

Still, reading, learning and doing business has banged a concept into my head so often that I suddenly realized I believe in it at a very core level. And that concept is that making mistakes is the best ways of learning. And that, yes, you want to calculate and not aim for failure, but getting out their and making some deals that go bad, by getting burned on something- doing this EARLY is much better then doing it late.

Right now I'm trying to be a scrap broker. I bought 22 computers for $200. I was hoping to turn around and make $300 or at least $250 on them. I had talked to the supplier, I asked him about what they had in them. They were supposed to have 512Mb of ram each- I knew I could sale the ram alone for $20 on ebay or somewhere else. I calculated what I needed to do. I had it down.

But of course, when I got them back, they didn't all have 512MB of ram. 4 of them did. 3 of them had 320MB. The rest had 128MB, with the exception of the three that wouldn't turn on.

According to a philosophy that I am increasingly subscribing too, this is a perfect opportunity. Instead of cursing out my supplier and hitting myself for being an idiot who didn't test everything or drive a hard enough bargain, I should stop and think "What is this circumstance trying to tell me?" [Editors note: I am not implying any sentience on these events, like they are part of something bigger and smarter. I am merely personifying.] I think I know the lesson here- always verify claims of people to the best of your ability, and don't be afraid to point out where they fall short. Its not being rude, its protecting yourself and your livelihood. Lesson learned. $200 pleas

Getting back to the point I was making.... This is an example of an early mistake. This was a small mistake- I may have lost, at the most, $200, plus time. Am I upset about that? Yeah, its not the ending I would have chosen. But what if I got lucky this time, and the next, and the next- lets just assume that things go peachy for me for deal after deal where everything is always exactly what they say. When I finally getting around to making this mistake, I might make a two hundred thousand dollar mistake instead of a two hundred dollar mistake. It is better to fail early and learn then to avoid failure at all costs.

So how does this apply to me? Well...what if I should have made mistakes earlier? What if I should have gotten into trouble? I know this is a really weird line of reasoning, please bear with me. I'm not going to go postal or crazy just yet or anything so don't freak out. Its just something that I've been wondering about. Does the same thing apply in other things? In love? In social choices?

"What would you suggest?" I can hear you ask. "Would it be better for you to have slept around and mugged somebody so that you could know you don't want to?"

I don't think so. I don't really know the answer to these hypothetical questions. And I don't want to encourage people to go out and do stupid stuff or anything. But some things that have happened in the last year or so have brought it vividly to my attention: After a certain point, some mistakes can NOT be afforded. I am past that point for alot of mistakes. They are no longer a option.

Here's hoping I didn't need them.

[Editors note again: I really don't know what to think of this post- it was going to be much different, but curse my unruly fingers, this is what it turned out to be. I just sort of rambled. Its big, I know. Consider that punishment for begging for another. By the way- I'm on face book now. Sorry y'all, its just that much cooler. Name's Zed Fable, if you care.]